You Love Me But You Don't Know Who I Am

2010-12-05T18:28:00.000+08:00

SAPULKAMO!

2010-11-06T23:41:00.002+08:00

Dati, ang dali-dali sabihin ng mga bagay. Kahit `di na pag-isipan, okay lang. Normal lang. Walang malisya. Pero ngayon? Simula nung nalaman kong mayroon na pala talaga, hindi na. Nagbago na. Nakakainis lang, dati kaya natin kahit tayo lang dalawa. Ngayon, hindi na. Nakakailang at lahat kailangan na munang pag-isipan.

Just Another Letter

2010-11-01T03:09:00.000+08:00

Dear November,

Good morning and hello, November! :-)

A new month to go through and the second to the last month of this year, 2010. October seems to treat me well, like srsly well that I have welcomed you on a happy state. I know that there`ll be a lot of changes that will happen to me this month. I have to get used to waking up early `cos I have morning classes, same as I have to learn sleeping early at night. And that would be my serious problem, I don`t know how I`ll be able to manage my time. Start of a new semester, new life. I have to work harder. I also need to minimize the use of computer. Well, I just thought.

I wish for the continuity of my happiness. I don`t want to be sad anymore. I don`t want lots of thoughts to cover up my mind. I don`t want my feelings to eat me whole. I don`t want to be on my weakest times again, just like on September. I am wishing for more strength to help me go through everything. I need not to depend on others but to myself. I am wishing not only for the best for myself but also to my loved ones, to the people around me, to my beloved country, and to the world. I am wishing for everything that`s good.

November is a month of celebrations too. My brother`s birthday on the 5th and my mother`s birthday on the 7th. Lots of my friends are going to celebrate their birthdays this month also. Please, bless them.

And now it`s November 1st, All Saint`s Day, 02:40 AM and I`m still awake. I am praying for the souls of all the people who passed away, and their loved ones who they have left. Please bless us all.

This has been my life for how many years and I just want something different, for a change. Please let me discover something wonderful about life and most specially about my existence. I have let go of everything and I am ready to take everything upon God`s will.

I totally feel free now. Just please make me stronger, I don`t want to be eaten up again of my emotions. I have realized that everything has its reason and purpose. If there`s something that is bound to happen, let it be. I won`t wait. I won`t expect. I won`t assume. Not anymore. I`ll just be myself and live the way I am supposed to live. I will live a happy life. Please bless me with a sound mind and heart that will help me make the best decisions. Life is always tough, then I must be tougher. I`ll definitely be the commander of the life I`m living.

As I have to end this, just please bless all the people around me specially my family and friends. I wish them well. November, please let me feel I am loved. Let me feel I am something special. Make me brave. Please help me bring out the best of me. I trust you. And I love you. Until the next 30 days… Good night! :-)

Love always,

Kathleen

Can`t Let Go by Landon Pigg

2010-10-30T18:53:00.004+08:00

Too Proud of Myself

2010-10-29T10:42:00.003+08:00

Natuwa lang ako. :> Hindi ko ipinost dahil sa kinilig ako or what. Ewan, ang saya lang kasi wala ng efect. HAHAH. I`m into signs and numbers nga kasi, pero IDK why this time, wala akong na-feel. Siguro sign `to na, at last hindi ko na niloloko sarili ko. Dati kasi, sabi lang ako ng sabi, wala na, wala na talaga. Pero ngayon, siguro kahit papaano, paunti-unti.. like gradually, it fades na talaga. And I`m too happy siyempre kasi, okay na ako. Okay na kami. I`d be my usual self na palagi di`ba? Lalo na sa kanya. HAHAH. Dati kasi ilang-ilang pa`ko, eh ngayon okay na. Parang wlang nangyari. Parang natutulog lang, hehe. Kaya ayon masaya lang ako. ^_^

Kahit ilang photos pa ang meron tayo, okay lang. Eh ano naman. Magkaibigan kasi kami. `Yun `yon. This is really happiness, I guess. Happiness with no regrets. :-)

THIS, SAME FEELING

2010-10-29T09:24:00.001+08:00

“It was a kiss made in lonely dreams. A kiss that took its time. A kiss that felt so right she couldn’t remember all the reasons it was wrong.”

Susan Elizabeth Phillips (This Heart of Mine)

I MISS NOT HAVING YOU TO TALK TO

2010-10-29T09:19:00.002+08:00

But I guess that this is just the way things are supposed to be. I mean, I should be thankful that we still talk, it`s just that, we don`t talk a lot now. We don`t talk that much now. But its totally fine `cos I`m getting used to it now and at least, I don`t feel awkward now. Pretty, pretty normal. It`s like its slowly fading everyday. And I`m happy. I said, I`m getting there. But yeah, I miss talking to you.

Getting There

2010-10-28T20:40:00.002+08:00

If this is before, then they will all be should have beens, could have beens, might have beens, and must have beens. But since, I think I have put my thoughts into actions... that I am over and done with that, finally... everything that had happened is just usual and pretty normal. I have no malicious thoughts of some sort now. It was all plain and yeah, normal. And I`m happy and too proud of myself. Heehee.
I just love how everything is going now. It feels like they are all going back to place. I`m so thankful. This life. <3

:'(

2010-09-13T23:06:00.002+08:00

Napaka-makasalanan ko. :-(

Hindi ko naman akalain na aabot sa ganito pero kasalanan ko talaga.

Hindi ko man sinasadya pero kasalanan ko talaga.

Dapat kasi hindi na lang.

Dapat una palang, tinigilan ko na.

Dapat noon pa lang, lumugar na ako sa dapat kong kalagyan.

Sana hindi na umabot sa ganito.

Sana hindi na nagyari yung mga nangyari na.

Sana hindi na basta.

Hay. Ewan.

Nakakalungkot.

Nakakaiyak.

;___;

2010-08-02T22:44:00.002+08:00

It`s too sad when no one remembers. It makes me think I`m alone. Yes, I`m more of a loner but I still long for thoughts from other people. A simple "What`s up?" would be enough. But I think I`m receiving none the past days. I`m receiving none in the days when I needed it the most. I`ve been sick the past days, the kind of sickness that feels like it`s the end of the world for me. Yeah, srsly. I`ve been experiencing tremendous headache and body pain. My body temperature`s getting higher everyday. I`m not eating the way I used to eat since Friday. I can`t get to explain everything, you know. Basta, I`m sick.

And what saddens me is the that, my friends don`t bother asking how am I and all that. I felt like I`m dying, you know. And if ever I die, I think they`ll never know. It doesn`t interest them in anyway. Oh and there are some friends who would occasionally ask how am I, but then there`d be, oh can you please bring this and that. Oh, fuck you. Better not ask me at all.

And tomorrow, we`ll go to the Doctor again. Oh, please. I know this is not Dengue. I don`t want to die early. Yeah, I`ve been crying everytime it gets on my mind, like what if I have Dengue? No, please no. I hope I`ll get better na `cos I`m feeling really, really weak and I hate that.

Gotta go, my Mom`s yelling at me, heh. I need to rest.

There`s No Title Perfect For This. My Life`s a Blur

2010-07-15T22:37:00.003+08:00

I knew it. We`ll never be the same. Sorry, I fucked up. Sorry, I went beyond my limitation. Sorry, for being so dumb and stupid for giving in. I`m sorry it turned out this way. I`m sorry. I`m sorry. I`m sorry.

I told myself I need to stop this. I need to stop thinking. Stop write something here and there. I need to stop everything. But I`m sorry, I failed again. I need to release everything. It was this blog, I think is the most safest place I can run in to.

I thought that by the time you`ve learned about everything, I`ll be okay. But I think I`m not. This feeling is eating me up. I don`t know if it`s just me but yeah, I think you`ve changed. We have changed.

I`ve been online the whole day, and I have seen you getting online and offline. It was that, I`m not used to us, not chatting you know. I know I have no right to demand or anything but that`s how it used to be before, eh? We have not talked since I told you how I feel. And that disturbs me, you know. I know we`re friends and I assume nothing has to change. But yeah, I can feel the change now.

I never want to lose you. I don`t want to lose someone like you. You`re one in a million and I swear that I will do my fucking best just to bring back the way we used to be. I`ll do my best to set aside my feelings. If you only knew how sorry I am. Sometimes, I think I should have not felt this way but I will never ever regret the day I start to like you. I mean, I may feel sad at times but it`s not a reason for me to regret you. It`s fine, this is what I want then I should face the consequences. But honestly, I think I`m hurting too much.

But I should take this in mind, that this is what I want. I did exactly what I want. And I must be ready about everything next to it. I should be happy instead for doing what I want. If it takes me to be sad, then I`ll take it open-armed. I may be sad now but I know I'll be happy again. It may take a little time but at least I will be happy soon. I wish for your happiness also. I`m praying that at least you can sleep soundly every night. I wish you are not feeling the way I`m feeling now. I wish that you`d get better. I`m always praying your safety. I'm wishing for everything that you wanted to be. And I`m wishing for a peace in mind and happiness, nothing more, nothing less.

Tomorrow. I`m waiting for the last sign. If I feel the awkwardness and the change between the two of us then I must really take sometime away from everything and start to look at a different perspective. If something has changed, then I guess I need to get away for a while. But if we`ll stay as normal, throw jokes and laugh together, then I must say, I`ll just go with the flow. But wherever this may take me, I`ll be happy. Whatever God`s will may lead me, I`ll be happy.

Just Another Letter

2010-07-14T10:21:00.001+08:00

14 July 2010

Wednesday, 02:21 AM

Dear You,

Alam mo, sobrang saya ko. Masaya kasi sa wakas nasabi ko na sa`yo. Hindi ko akalain na sa mismong pinakamahalagang araw ng buhay ko pa masasabi `yun sa`yo. Hindi ko `to makakalimutan. Ngayon, napakagaan na ng pakiramdam ko. Masarap talaga ang pakiramdam ng walang itinatago. Salamat. Maraming salamat sa pang-unawa mo. Hindi ko akalain na magiging okay lang sa`yo, na tanggap mo. Ang tanga ko talaga, sana hindi ko na pinatagal pa ito. Sana noon ko pa `to sinabi sa`yo, ng hindi na rin ako nahirapan noon. Pero siguro ganoon talaga, ito yung tamang panahon.

Salamat talaga. Wala. Hindi ko alam yung sasabihin ko. Basta, Masaya ako. Alam ko kasing nandiyan ka pa rin, nandiyan pa rin kayong mga kaibigan ko para sa akin. At `yun nga, sana walang magbago sa atin. At sana, kung may magbago man, para sa ikakabuti at ikakaganda pa ng kung anung mayroon tayo ngayon. Ang sarap isipin na gusto kita. Hindi talaga nagkamali yung pagkakataon na sa lahat ng tao, ikaw yung nagustuhan ko, napakabuti at maunawain mong tao. Hinahangaan kita, salamat.

Pero ngayon, sa totoo lang, may gumugulo na naman sa isip ko. Ngayong nasabi ko na, at officially alam mo na. Iniisip ko kung dapat ko bang bawasan na muna yung pagsusulat at pag-iisip ko ng kung anu-ano paungkol sa`yo para hindi na lumalim pa ito, kung anu pa mhn ito, o hayaan ko na lang kung anong mangyari, kung saan man ako mapunta. Pero hindi rin, eh. Ayaw kong umabot sa point na sobrang mahuhulog ako sa`yo, dahil sa totoo lang ayaw kong masaktan. Ayaw ko ng umiyak. Pero bahala na.

Basta, magkaibigan tayo. Masaya ka at masaya ako. Yun lang ang mahalaga. Basta salamat at hindi mawawala ang paghanga ko sa iyo. Maraming salamat sa lahat. Malaking parte ka ng buhay ko. Salamat talaga, pinasaya mo ako. Siguro nga, dapat bawasan ko na yung mga pagsulat ko. Hanggang sa muli. Mag-iingat ka palagi, ha? At kahit anumang pagdaanan mo, alam kong kaya mo `yan. At kahit anong mangyari, nandito lang ako. Salamat. Hanggang sa muli kong pagsulat.

Love always,

:'(

2010-06-26T22:40:00.002+08:00

Akala ko kaya ko na. Hindi eh. Duwag ako. Duwag kasi ako. Kung dati, nagawa ko... ngayon hindi na. Hindi ko kaya. Natatakot ako. Natatakot ako na kapag sinabi ko sa`yo, iiwanan mo lang rin ako. Alam mo kung gaano ko kagusto magkaroon ng kaibigan, matalik na kaibigan. At kahit papaano, sa`yo ko natagpuan `yun. Ayokong mawala yung pinagsamahan natin dahil lang sa kahibangan ko.

Oo gusto kong sabihin para hindi na ako mahirapan, pero hindi pa rin ganu`n kadali para sa akin `to. Natatakot ako, hindi ko alam. Hindi ko kaya. `Di bale, kaya ko pa naman. Kakayanin ko. Malungkot man ako, nagiging masaya rin naman kung minsan, kaya okay lang. Mas mahalaga sa akin yung pinagsamahan natin kaysa sa nararamdaman ko. Baka sa tamang panahon, makakalimutan ko rin `to. Magtiis-tiis na lang muna.

So ngayon, sa akin na lang muna ito. Gusto ko man sanang sabihin sa`yo, pero hindi na lang muna siguro.

I love the way you are; I hate the way I am

2010-06-25T23:22:00.001+08:00

Dear You,

Today, I told someone how I feel about you. I told her how you made me feel. I have so much to brag about you `cos you`re such an awesome guy, and you should know that.

I feel sorry for myself for being such a coward not telling you this. But I`m bearing all the heartaches it is giving me, it`s my choice anyways. It`s never easy to sleep since then on. It haunts me not only at night but every time. I can never seem to forget how much I care for you. I care too much that I forget about myself. I may sound stupid but I just want you happy even if that means I have to endure all the pain. I guess my feeling for you is that intense.

You know what? I`m waiting for the day I can finally tell how lucky I am to know you. The day that I can tell how much you have changed my life. Because on the very first day I laid my heart on you, I was never the same. Everything has changed. You made my life more lovely and worth living. You`re the reason why I love waking up and the same reason why I don`t want to sleep.

I wish I can tell you everything. That you`re the one I`m thinking of every time it rains, when I see the stars, the moon, and the sky. You`re always on my mind whenever I see cats, dogs, and butterflies. You`re just on my mind, always.

I badly want to let you know how I feel yet I`m too scared to start. If I only have the courage, then I must be telling you stories that whirl up on my mind for years. You know how much I love to talk and it must be too interesting to hear me talking good stuff about you.

But there are times that I can`t help but to blame myself for liking you. We are friends. I don`t want to break the friendship but I can`t help not to notice you too. You`re too amazing to ignore. You`re too amazing.

I wish I can tell you everything. I`m sorry I won`t be able to finish this. I can`t help not to cry. I hate nights like this. I need someone to talk to. I guess I`ll be telling another person about this. I need advice. A fucking advice. I hope you`re happy. I guess I`m liking you too much.

Love always,

Me

^_________^

2010-05-15T08:00:00.002+08:00

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

A Letter

2010-05-01T14:51:00.003+08:00

Dear You,

I used to like you 19 months ago. I`ve been in-like with you and no one knows about it... as in no one. I only keep it to myself just because. That was 19 months ago but everything is all clear to me. My admiration for you did not go away ever since.

You`re so adorable and I see you as the perfect guy for every girl, including me. I enjoy every single moment I shared with you. I cherish every conversation we had, may it be through text, when we chat online, or when we talk personally. Yes, you`re the one I can talk to about everything. And you`re the only person that always tell me I`m the best. You keep on telling me how much good I am. You always see the best in me. You`re the only one who does that. And you know how much thankful I am, for everything.

You`re one of the best things in my life. I`m so glad I get to know you. You`re such a wonderful person. Seriously, you`re the top most guy in my list being the most gentleman and kind. Yeah, I don`t know why but I just feel you are. You`re one deep person and that`s one thing I love about you. I confessed this somewhere, I think.

But on the 16th month, things get different. It`s just that, there comes a time that the intense feeling I have for you somehow fades in a way. It`s when that someone joins us in the picture. My world turns around him which I think was not a good thing to do. I did not totally forget about you, it`s just that I don`t feel the same intense feeling I have then, not until now.

After 19 months, I think I`m here again. I`m back again. I`m acting now just like how I act on that first five months. I guess you`re my ultimate guy. This is like a more-than-a-crush-kind-of-feeling-admiration. I wish you all the best and I`m still here, always here. You deserve to be happy, you know. And thanks for always lifting me up and inspiring me. You are the best! : )

Love always,

Who Are You?

2010-05-01T14:11:00.003+08:00

How would you feel when someone seems to care for you? When he keeps checking out on you. Saying sweet stuff and all that, how would you feel? And how about if you don`t know who that person was, how would you feel?

It`s an amazing feeling knowing that someone cares about me. Those simple things makes me happy. Asking how am I, how`s my day, am I happy or what, really makes me happy. So whoever you are, even if you`re just tripping on me I would like to thank you. You`re making me happy. Yes, you`re making me happy. : )

Should I Be Happy or Sad?

2010-04-25T23:42:00.001+08:00

"Reading isn`t your thing."

The Better Worse

2010-04-25T23:08:00.002+08:00

Call me that. : )

I`ve been away for days. I can feel fate`s allowing me to leave everything for a while. Just in time that ~~I have decided~~ the sun decided to let go. Oh, as I thought if ever she can let go. I really want to be alone... I want to think things over. I really want to know why am I being like this and unfortunately, I can`t seem to find the answer, even a clue.

I realized I was never alone. I have never been alone the whole time. He was with me, he never leave me. He`s always ~~there~~.. here. From the moment I wake up until I get myself to sleep, he`s always here. I always see him in every single thing I do and it`s really hard. I`m really having a hard time dealing with my situation now. I never wanted to be like this. I can`t blame him either, this is not his fault. This is no one`s fault... but yes, I need to bear.

I love this feeling, you know. It`s just that, it`s too hard for me. I feel like bursting out but I don`t know where to go. I feel like everybody`s against me. I want someone I can cry my heart out. This, this is one of the two ways I only know that I can make myself feel better, blogging, telling the www this feeling. Ironically, I`ve been telling the world wide web but they can`t seem to know. No one bothers about me, heh.

How can I get better? Until when will I get better? How long should I endure the pain? I told myself I`ll get better after letting it all go, but it`s not that easy. Words can`t take control. It was like, the more I feel like stopping, the more it gets intense. I don`t know, maybe I`m just overdoing the situation.

Right now? I`m really getting worse. My world`s kinda messed up. I need someone but I`m sticking to be with no one. Yeah. I`ll get through this. My hormones are kinda sucked up that`s why I`m acting like this. Oh jeez, I bet that if I ever get to read this again, I`ll be really going gulong tawa gulong. But yeah, FML now. I`m smiling now. I can do this. Glad I have chocolates with me. Hay, fighting! I need to be better to be the best.

*photo has nothing to do with this post.

The heart has its reasons that reason does not know at all.

2010-04-21T11:20:00.007+08:00

There are days that you feel nothing but ordinary about yourself. Getting up at the wrong side of the bed. Darkness over the window pane. A bad hair day. There are days you feel indifferent. It`s just that you feel like you don`t blend in. Those were the days.

You feel beautiful now, don`t you? As you pass by a mirror, you stop and stare on your reflection smiling back at you. You feel beautiful. You start singing your heart out whenever you want to. No matter what kind of voice you have. Others may say something but it don`t matter to you, you`re happy. You feel giddy. You feel like dancing. You feel like you are floating on the thin air. That feeling... that is so beautiful, just like you.

The birds chirping outside make you a happy banana. The lightness you`re feeling is priceless. You`re one happy soul. You get inspired to do things now. You start discovering many things you don`t know you`re good at before. Everyone can see the happiness in you. You`re inspired. Your loved ones start to notice something, something really different. You`ve changed and you have no idea about it. It feels so natural for you, isn`t it?

What happened to you? You`ve really changed, I can see that. You`ve become better now. You`re really happy and I hope you will stay that way, forever. I want to know the reason, please. It must be special. I can feel that it is so important and you love that reason, whatever it may be. But could you please tell me?

What you told me? It was an amazing story. You`re such a sweet, sweet, thing. I never had imagined everything that you just said. I can say now that your reason is one of the best thing that has ever happened to you. You smiled and said, "Yes it is. But I`m thinking, why does this happen to me? This ain`t easy. I never wished for something like this but yeah, I was happy. I was."

I get confused on your answer. What do you mean? You`re happy, you look great. You look perfectly fine. Is there any problem? You looked back, perhaps wiping your tears. "There are many things which you don`t know yet. There are things you may not get to notice but it`s just there, for so long. Look at the sunset, it is so beautiful. It feels really good seeing it, right? People find it amazing but you know what? The sun was never happy. She was never happy because she`s leaving the sky after a great day they have shared. She has to leave the sky and let the moon take care of it. She can`t do anything and so she just sends the stars to accompany her sky. After all those days they have shared and experienced, she has to leave. The sun has to rest her heart all night. The sun may look shiny and bright all day but every night she`s different. She`s distant to the sky. The sun is weeping, yes she is. The sun sets everyday, and the sun is crying every night too, since she`ll be apart from the sky. The sun has her own reasons. And now she has decided... she has to let go. I`m a sucker of sunsets, but when I get to know this? I`ve realized that it is not only us people who`s wearing a mask. Goodbye is not beautiful. Sunsets are goodbyes. I don`t know." I don`t know what to tell you now after you said this. And so I stopped.

No Regrets

2010-04-17T01:23:00.006+08:00

I`m happy, yes. I`m happy that finally, I have told him a part of what I`m feeling. This feeling is super great. Yeah, I felt like I really have taken the risk. I have taken this the fun way. I just don`t know what his reaction will be. I hope he`ll appreciate it, like somehow appreciate it. I made my surprise for one whole day, while the other surprise that I`ll give him maybe tomorrow, I made it also for about 2 days. Yeah, I really made those whole heartedly. I`m not expecting something in return. A simple appreciation from him would be more than enough. Okay, so now everything`s getting clearer. Oh, well. I just can`t hide behind all these, eh? I really want to explode `cos I can`t tell this to anybody. So yeah, just to experience that sense of relief again, I`ve done this. Yeah, no regrets please. Whatever happens, happens.

If ever he doesn`t appreciate the video, that will be fine with me. Yes, I`ll definitely be sad but yeah, I can`t force him to like it. All I know is that I made something like this just because I want to. This is my way of telling him that, yeah he`s special. He`s that important to me. He`s one of my closest friends. This is my way, eh? I`m the kind of person who doesn`t go for material things. I`m more of a sentimentalist that`s why I`m applying it also to the people around me. I`m assuming that they`ll love what I love. `Cos yes, if I`m the one who was given this kind of present, I`ll be super thankful. But yeah, we`re all different and I have to accept it. So now, I`m going to sleep and I just don`t know what will happen next. I don`t know if I can call this a good night. Good bye, what?

Life is Like a Boat

2010-04-12T17:22:00.003+08:00

Madalas na akong matanong ng ganyang tanong noon pa. Isang tanong na mahirap sagutin. Mahirap kasing mamili, lalo na kung iyon ay dalawang taong mahalaga sa buhay mo. Wala akong gustong piliin, gusto ko pareho. Pero sa buhay, hindi pwedeng laging dalawa. May mga oras talagang dapat mamili ka.

Noon, `pag tinanong ako tungkol du`n, hangga`t maaari hindi ko sasagutin, wala akong pipiliin. Ayaw ko kasi talagang mamili at mas ayokong malaman ng isa na hindi ko siya pinili. Pero sa bawat tanong na nakukuha ko, napapaisip ako. Paano nga kaya? Dapat akong mamili... At aminin ko man o hindi, meron talaga. Siya. Siya kasi hindi ko alam. Basta siya.

Ngunit hindi ko akalaing darating kami sa punto na `yon, sa puntong mangyayari sa totoong buhay yung dating tanong lamang. Hindi ko na nakuhang mag-isip. Silang dalawa, at ako... kaming tatlo. Nangyari ang hindi inaasahan, at parang nagkaroon na rin ng sagot ang tanong nila noon. Hindi ko rin inaaasahan. Hindi ko rin naisip noong mga panahong iyon. Ngayon na lang ulit, dahil may nagpaalala na naman sa akin ng tanong na iyon.

Ang nakakatawang isipin, sa mga tanong nila, siya ang sagot ko. Pero sa totoong pangyayari, yung isa yung tinulungan ko. Napapaisip tuloy ako ngayon, ano nga ba talaga? Nakatakda bang mangyari iyon dalawang taon na ang nakakalipas? Bakit ganoon? Pero kung iisipin ko ngayon, siya rin talaga. Nabulag lang siguro ako sa pagtingin ko noon sa isa. Ewan.

At ngayon ngang may nagtanong na naman sa akin ng parehong tanong, ayaw ko nang sumagot. Ayaw kong diktahan yung sarili ko sa kung ano ang dapat. Bahala na lang. Mangyari na lang ang mangyari. Hindi ko naman gustong may mangyari para lang malaman ko kung ano yung magiging sagot ko, hayaan na lang natin. Pero sa totoo lang, masakit mang isipin, parang may sagot na ako.

An Online Letter

2010-04-11T15:01:00.002+08:00

Hello, Mr. Whoeveryouare. You know what? I`m thinking of telling you na. Yeah, I want to tell you but just like before, I`m scared. I want you to know everything I`m feeling. I was like decided to tell you the moment I learned that you`re planning to live out of the country when given a chance. But you know what, that country you want to live in is the same country I want to live in too. Yes, my first choice. And now I`m thinking, what would that possibly be? Coincidence or maybe we`ll be living together on that same country, same place, same home. Yeah, I`m such a fool.

ATM, there are 6 people who knows that I`m liking you. Well, I just don`t know if my count`s accurate. I even don`t know, maybe you`re informed about this too. Yeah, I feel like you know about this, about my feelings towards you. And I really don`t know what to do anymore. What should I do?

Hay. Grabe. Gusto ko na talagang sabihin kaso may pumipigil pa rin, eh? Alam mo `yun. Hindi ko alam kung maaano ka o ano. HAHA. Kasi naman, bakit ikaw pa? Pero DW, wala akong pinagsisisihan, nagtatanong lang. :)

PS. Kung alam mo naman na oh, please pakisabi naman na sa akin.

Love always,

Realizations from 08 April 2010

2010-04-11T13:54:00.005+08:00

*Doing what you love makes you the happiest. You may feel tired physically but you will have no regrets of doing it. It is like a supply of drug that helps you stay alive. If there`s passion, I may say, there is success.

*Change. It`s inevitable. It`s contagious. It`s just nice to know that there are still a few people hungry for change. A change for our betterment. Sacrificing themselves makes me want this kind of people. All I hope for is that they`re not deceiving us, that they`re not playing games with us. In our present situation, there`s no room for jokes anymore. We`re close to being helpless. Everyone`s desperate in getting the change we`re all wanting for ages now. Make it real, people. Make it real.

*Everyone`s given choices. I have chosen mine and now choose yours. I may not be able to vote yet but being involve as early as now can do something. If I were to vote, I have my pick. We can practice our rights as early as one, two, three, anyway. I may be minor but I know I can do something. Who knows? This can help us achieve change.

*Loving knows no distance. You love just because, no need for reasons. Having someone you love distant to you is really difficult but knowing you`re enduring all those difficulties makes it clear that you love with all your heart. It`s painful, yes. But once you get through it, it`s nothing but happiness.

*Trust can`t be bought, it`s earned. You can`t get one`s trust too easily. We all must be patient. And once you gain someone`s trust, don`t ever do anything that can break it. `Cos once it`s broken, it will never be the same again. Learn to value the trust that someone gave you, it`s priceless. Get this in mind, not all people can be trusted. Don`t count yourself in with them. Knowing someone trusting you let others know what kind of person you are. It`s precious, take care of that.

*Humans are not robots. We cannot do many things at the same time. You`re not that great. It`s difficult, face it.

Friends, I Love You

2010-04-06T20:06:00.003+08:00

I made a video to sum up everything that has happened yesterday. Yeah, I super enjoyed hanging out with my friends, to bits. Thanks to Charlotte for initiating this and I also have to thank myself for allowing this to happen. What? No, I mean, I`m the one who invited these people, y`know. And yeah, thanks everyone for coming and letting me experience such joy and excitement. I told them that we`ll meet at 12 noon but I texted them already as early as 11 AM telling that that I`m at the mall. Why? Because I knew it. I know these people so much that they love being late... always. Too bad they know me that well too that`s why they did not believe. They`re always late, yes. But yeah, I`m their queen. It`s already 1pm and we`re not complete yet. Jeez. Then we had our lunch at about 2pm. Yeah, Karate Kid, the place to be `cos it`s always empty. heehee.
I`m super broke, I only eat Jr. Katsudon, only 75 pesos. :D I also won 50 pesos from Kenneth, `cos yeah I beat him. We want to watch Clash of the Titans but we end up on what`s planned, Babe I Love You. Fuck Sam Milby. So yeah, the movie for me, wasn`t good. It was more of a comedy than a romantic kind of movie. Sorry, but I`m not a fan. :)
Well, the funny thing is, yeah we bought premiere tickets. And as we`re heading the cinema, I forgot that I was holding my camera then the lady guard told me it was prohibited, yes I know, and I need to let her keep that. Sorry but I don`t want too, so I told her I`ll be back, I`ll just give the camera to a friend and all that. Alibi, you know. The truth is, I just put it under my pants. HAHA, Good thing I`m wearing black and that I have a bag to cover up.
As we`re inside the movie house, there are no vacant seats other than the first row. That goddamn row. Fuck the fact it was ever created. I hate to say this but yes, I`m too small for that spot. I can`t seat naturally `cos I won`t be able to see the screen. Yeah, I`m super decided to take another seat. Kenneth wants to transfer too, `cos yeah he`s smaller than me. HAHAHA just kidding. :) I found two vacant seats the row right next to us but there`s a bag on one seat and the lady told me it was occupied. So yeah, I look for other seats and found one on the left side of the theater, I transferred there, alone. And yeah, I was like sitting next to a clingy-PDA-couple. I just don`t mind them but yeah they`re too annoying.
Then yeah, Kenneth did not take it anymore. Guess he can`t watch well so he transferred to the seat next to me. And yeah, he kind of covered the two. And gladly, I`m not alone anymore. The couple leave the movie house earlier so Lou transferred to the seat next to Kenneth so there`s the three of us together.
Rhea came about in the middle part of the movie and so they decided to watch the movie once more. After the movie, we told them to transfer next to us so that we`ll be together on the next screening. We took photos during the break even though we know it`s prohibited. So during the second screening, I told Kenneth and Lou that I`ll be going out to meet Marvin. Yeah, one thing more is that I am not enjoying the movie so might as well, go out. Kenneth joined me `cos I`m his idol, HAHA. We then talked to Marvin like there`s no tomorrow. And we haven`t gone inside since then. We stayed at the movie lounge and yeah, the others went out too.
My Mom`s bugging me to go home and meet her early. It was like about 4 o`clock then. I was scheduled to take my haircut and to visit the tailor that`ll make my dress for my cousin`s wedding. So yeah, it was all canceled because I can`t take leaving my friends and missing out the fun.
We went to Mcdonald`s then Tom`s. We played my most loved sport, hockey shizz. And yeah, as always, it made me more bankrupt. I lost 80 pesos. 40 for Lou, and 20 each for Kenneth and Patrick. Jeez, fuck it. I paid Kenneth 20 while I`ll pay Lou andPatrick via load. So all in all I just lost 30 pesos `cos I won 50 from Kenneth. Aside from getting bankrupt, I ended up getting hurt `cos I was fingered during the game. And yeah my left arm hurts so bad, until now.
But no regrets, I had so much fun. Oh btw, I went home 7 o`clock PM. :) My Mom`s like mad at me for a minute and told me I won`t be able to go out the next day. And sheesh, I was planned to attend a friend`s debut party. Oh life.
As soon as I got home, I headed in front of the computer and do my stuff. I was like offline the whole day and I haven`t updated any of my accounts. My Tita called me on Skype and yeah, we talked. Then my friends bug me to go Skype and do conference. Like seriously, I was so damn busy. I told them, later, later, later. They started about 8:30 and I joined 10:00. We talked until quarter to 12, I think. Yeah, they`re Krystovic, Marvin, and Kenneth. My perv friends, oh I mean, best friends. =)) HAHA. So yeah, all`s fun. I was too busy that I haven`t eaten my dinner. My last meal was my Jr. Katsudon lunch at Karate Kid. I just sip on a hot chocolate before I went to sleep. I sleep at about 3 am. Yeah, I`m a vampire that super fucking bites. :D

EYESORES: You can be the butterflies I feel in my belly

2010-04-03T14:16:00.009+08:00

Aannyeonghaseyo! :3 Yay! I was like K-popped the past weeks, you know. I`ve been busy watching series and movies `cos yeah, what should I do? Life gets boring everyday. Anyway, so I was like blogging last night then I decided to watch episodes of You`re Beautiful again. It was like about 3 AM then. But sadly, my Dad woke up and saw me awake still and he`s like, "Why are you still awake, ha? Go sleep." And I was like, "Du`h, get used to it," only to myself. It`s Black Saturday, you know. I need to be tamed.

So my plan to watch was canceled. I just stayed in my room and decided to go doodle. I`m in search for my doodle diary but yeah, it was missing. I`m looking for it for minutes and yeah, I did not get to see it. I super need to find that, it has everything about me and no one should ever read the contents there. I have to find it.

But yes, I can feel my doodler-self saying that she wants to doodle. Okay, call me crazy. No, but seriously, I want to doodle and since my diary`s missing, I ended up doodling on my graphing notebook back in high school. Yeah, I haven`t finished my doodle yet `cos my pens are missing too. Oh life, everything`s been missing. To tell you, the statement I wrote on my doodle-work is this, "I never had the courage to tell you how I feel," come on, what`s up with me again? Chase Coy`s hitting me again.

I was like this on February and then I stopped on March. Now, it`s April... I don`t wanna get back. But what if it gets back? Oh no! Not again. I don`t want to go gaga over him again. HAHA. This can`t be. So yeah, help me get through this. It will only cause trouble and pain. Oh, drama!

Anyway... I just discovered an awesome application on Facebook last night. It was the Eyesores application. It`s like a gift application you can send to your friends but not annoying and way too cool, you know. I super liked it `cos its alienated and monsterized. So me. I send my friends Eyesores, too bad I can`t post it on my own profile. So I just hit my friends a message telling them to please send me Eyesores. HAHA. And just when I woke up today, that`s about 1:30 PM. Yes, I`m a sloth. If I were a Pokemon, I`d be Snorlax. HRHRHR. I checked my Facebook and I got 13 notifications. Yikee, I love! And my friends sent me Eyesores. HAHA I`m so happy, great way to start my day. :)

One more thing to get this post more random... I have a dream, like wuhoo! A very good dream. It includes me and oh, never mind. We`re like three in my dream. (gummymilk and sizzlingkrabbymeat) Okay, that was funny. :)) But yeah, the dream`s too sweet that I don`t wanna be awake anymore. And when i woke up, I was like so kilig and I ended up daydreaming. I continue the story myself. : ) So yeah, stop the randomness. Today is super great. I hope this gets through until tonight. I`ll get to update this later and add more sensible photos than my Tumblr mosaic. HAHA. It`s just that, it`s not connected, you know. :)

Yes, I`m jealous.

2010-04-03T02:16:00.008+08:00

Yeah, tweets from my Twitter. Gaah, kasi naman. I was like browsing some photos on Facebook and I just saw this guy and yeah, he has really changed. Grabe, iba talaga. He`s my crush back then and he doesn`t have a clue about it. Like yeah, `cos I was acting normally the whole time, at least for me. And now, my gosh! He has really changed... he`s too handsome now. Yeah, he isn`t cute. He`s handsome. I don`t know maybe because he`s my crush until now or what. I don`t know if it`s my eyes or my mind saying me that he`s really handsome now. Oh, whatever. I`m not the kind of girl who`s taking it just because of the looks anyway. No, definitely not. I don`t care how someone looklike, I`m after his personality and all that shizz. This guy`s just like a so-so back then, and yeah I like him. But now... he`s the bomb. I totally dig!

So much for that, then next on. When I clicked the 'next' button when I was browsing that same album, I saw him, yeah that guy, with another girl. They`re too sweet and all that. Heck, the pain I felt? It sucks. Yeah, I was like struck when I saw that. They`re too sweet but I`m pretty sure she`s not his girlfriend... at least just yet. (I`m smiling, yes.) Though knowing so, I can still feel the pain. Yes, I envy the girl. I feel jealous of her. You can`t blame me. I`m a girl, eh? Just as some other girls are, I wish I was in her place. Call me desperate. Kasi naman. I was not feeling like this just because I can see he`s handsome, I feel this way because, yeah, I like him. And truth be told, a part of me wants to be with him. Aww, sugar.

Summer Bummer, Whatever!

2010-04-03T01:34:00.004+08:00

Hay. This is just the first week of vacation and yeah, boredom`s already here. Oh well, I`m not actually bored but I can feel the need of wanting new things to explore. Yes, I can spend the whole vacation right in front of this computer but I need to get a life, you know.

I`m stoked to be on the beach, enjoy the summer`s heat but unfortunately, I`m here at home and cursing the hot weather. Yes, it`s different. Gaah, what`s in store for me this summer, ha? I got no money. Yes, I`m broke. I can`t go out and chill and stuff. What a vacation, bummer.

And I thought, what more if I have no computer? If I have no Photoshop and internet with me? If I have no TV, radio and DVD player? A blender and air-con, maybe? If I got no camera and phone? If I got no pens and notebook? Wow, too hard. Let me die, aye? Fuck life if that happens.

Yeah, the image above is me. That`s me now. Everyday. My routine? I`m awake from 11 AM until 2 to 4 AM. I just stay in front of my computer the whole time that I`m awake. And if not, I`m on the dining table eating or in front of the television watching. Just that. See? Tell me who has a life now? Yeah, but it seems like I`m enjoying it. I just don`t know until when I can stand this. I need money, you know? I need money. Damn it.

I`m a Happy Banana!

2010-04-02T18:37:00.000+08:00

I`m happy, you know. The feeling when you can make others happy by doing the things you just simply love... that. Doing favors for others are just simple things and yes, when they start to say they appreciate it and can`t stop thanking you... that.

It`s too nice to know that people appreciate what I do. It`s like, wow. I`m more encourage to continue what I`m doing. Yeah, this is about me loving the arts. It is actually my dream, to become an artist. It is also my first choice on what course to take up in college... anything Multi-media, Music, and Arts related course. But yeah, my parents disagreed and so I ended up taking Accountancy, and now Managerial Accounting.

My course is fine, I`m learning and all that but it`s still different. It`s like I`m doing this just because. Oh well, I`ve passed two years and two years more, I`ll get out of this. I`ll be graduating in two years time and I`ll only be nineteen then. I have enough time to pursue the course I really want to take. Yes, in just two years.

I can`t bore and stuck myself in just books, you know. I`m trying to exercise my skills in Arts... I do this by blogging, taking pictures, do editing, doodling, designing, and all that. I have all the time and chances anyway. I won`t stop just because some people told me so. This is what I love and I must do anything I can to continue doing it. Life gives me choices, and so I take my pick.

This is a great feeling `cos I can feel my worth, I can feel that I`m special, that I am something. People complimenting me and the stuff I do makes me a happy banana. You don`t know how much happy I am to know that I`m so appreciated. I may not feel it before but yeah, I can feel it now. This is a happy life. And yeah, I`m getting more inspired.

Please, Not Now.

2010-03-29T00:08:00.001+08:00

Sorry but I`d rather not talk to you now. It` s just that I don`t know what to say. I don`t want to say anything. Maybe I`m just offended... No, I don`t think I`m offended. I really don`t know what I feel. I can`t express what I feel into words. You can`t blame me for being like this, can you? You, from all people should know that. Well, I did not expect you`ll come up to something just like what you did. Yes, I know it`s a joke, to you it was a joke. Everything was like that always. I`m so used to it. It`s kind of different this time. I feel bad, yes. I was kinda hurt. But yeah, I`m good. I`m not angry. I`m not mad. So please understand. I just didn`t expect this. You know, after all my worries and whatnots to you last night, I just did not expect this. Well, I`m not expecting something in return, who am I anyway? But yeah, you`re sorta kind of wrong timing. And I guess that`s the only thing you can blame. We`ll be okay real soon. very, very soon.

March is a Love Month No More

2010-03-01T01:32:00.000+08:00

I`ve been some kind of in love the whole month of February but maybe because of the fact that it`s February. I was carried away. I was carried away and I ended up posting stuff about admiration. Posting stuff about him. Posting stuff about my loneliness and struggles. It is not good for me. It is not good for him. It is not good for us.

I was blinded by your sweetness. Your pure sweetness and concern. I take it too much and too much is bad, after all. I should have not felt this way. I should have not seen you more than what you are to me before. I should have been more cautious. I should have been a little less appreciative. I should have stick to the rule. That way, I would be happy now.

It`s a good feeling liking someone. I wake up everyday with a bright smile -- `cos you`re the first thing that cross my mind. I am excited to go to school -- knowing that I`ll be seeing you. I`m inspired to do things -- `cos I know it will please you. I always get online as soon as I reached home -- hoping to have a good conversation with you. I am so happy before I sleep -- tracking the memories we had for the day. I sleep peacefully -- `cos I`m dreaming of you.

You`ve made me a better person. You made me look on the brighter side of the world. You`re an inspiration. And forever you`ll always be. Just my inspiration, forever. That`s the saddest statement I made using two of the most beautiful words: inspiration and forever. Saddest ever.

Thank you for I have discovered more to life. That there are certain things you want to say but better be kept as a secret. Better be kept within yourself. Bravery isn`t always the key to happiness. Sometimes you must be a coward for the sake of everyone`s happiness. It`s better to lost a handful than to lost everything at all.

It`s been months that I lived hiding this feeling from everyone. I hide this also to myself. I`m not ready to know myself that I`m falling for someone I don`t deserve. I`m falling for someone I least expected to. It`s a great feeling yet it still hurts.

This was like a battle with me as the only soldier. I have no one but myself. Everyone`s against me winning the battle. Even the crown is against me. The crown would be the prize and winning will bring me happiness. Though as much as I want to fight, there`s the choice of quitting too. That way, no one would be hurt except you. That way, everybody will be happy except you. And if you only see me now, I`m raising a white flag and I just don`t know what else to do.

If you only knew how much you mean to me. If you only knew how wonderful of a person you are. If you only knew how much you have changed me. But it seems like you`ll not get to know it anymore. If you only knew how hard this is for me not to tell anyone. If you only knew just how bad I feel now while doing this. But you`ll never get to know this anymore. Not at all.

It is not my intention to feel this way. I never wished for this. I have not wished for something like this. I never wished of something that I know would hurt me. Never.

I don`t know what to do after writing this. I don`t know how I should feel either. I don`t know what`s in store for me after this. All I know is that I should end this imagination. I need to wake up from my dream-now-turned-to-nightmare in order to get back to reality. I need to wake up.

I like you. Yes, I really do like you to the bones. I am dying to tell you that I like you but I ended up not doing so. After this, I know I`ll be still liking you. And it will stay only with me, in my heart. I expect for more nights that I will cry to sleep. I expect for more sleepless nights. I expect loneliness. I expect my life to be more like closely of a mess.

Life`s too ironic. Because of someone`s beautiful way of living, someone is also there wanting him and sadly will end up dying. Worry no more, you will never know.

I never learn to say goodbye. And I am not a fan of goodbyes. But I think I`m living just to say goodbye. Saying goodbye to persons who doesn`t even know I said hello.

This is the hardest part. Swearing things. Giving promises. I won`t. I can`t swear not to do things that I know I`m capable doing. I will try my best to avoid and stop doing it, but I really don`t know. We`ll never know what may happen next.

I have to end this now. This is killing me. It`s as if my heart wants to explode. This is a heavy feeling I have to carry myself. I need to find the end `cos I need to stop. I am tired. I am tired of everything. I have always been like this. I always love but never been loved in return. I`m stuck with this forever. I live to die loving.

Today isn`t February and I would leave it just that. February 2010 is a sweet, strange, and a chaotic month for me. I will never forget this. I will never forget you. Thank you for everything. And for the last time, I like you. If you only knew. If you just only knew.

Credits to katherinebaker for the photo

SLEEPLESS

2010-02-28T10:01:00.000+08:00

It`s been so many nights now that I can`t sleep. And I hate it. I am running out of things to do. I ended up staring. Staring somewhere far. Staring at the sky. No stars. Full moon. Very lonely. The sky is lonely. The sky is me.

I have no one to talk to. Everyone`s asleep. I am alone. Chase Coy`s songs on the background. Sad songs. Happy songs. Perfect songs for me. He has written it all for me. It`s as if all is written for me. For us.

I`m thinking about everything. Think about something; about someone; about him. About you. Asking myself all the what ifs, could have beens, should have beens. I`m talking to myself. I`m talking to you. I`m imagining that you`re there talking to me too. Lying in bed and talk about things. We`re talking so much that we haven`t noticed the time. Endless. I`m crying and you too. We`re telling things we can`t say to anybody else. It`s a good feeling. I can pour my emotions with nobody else but you.

I cried so much. I cried to sleep. It took me four hours of sleep. You`re not in my dreams. It was a peaceful sleep. I have released everything. I have released it to you. And then I woke up. I`m back to reality and realized that everything is just made by my imagination. All are just my illusion. Desperate illusion. You`re not there. You`re not crying. You`re not talking to me. You`re not with me. But everything I said were all true. It came from my heart. All of it. But I haven`t told you the thing I want to tell you the most. The thing I`m dying to tell you. I plan to tell you that but I have slept. I have slept crying. It`s like the reality. I want to tell you but I can`t. There`s something that stops me to. And that`s why I ended up like this. Torn. Falling apart.

Don`t worry, in time. I`m going to tell you everything. I don`t want regrets come my way. I`ve been liking you so much. Yes, I don`t love you just yet. I like you. And I`m starting to like you more and love you. I want to let you know how good you make me feel. And though you make me feel bad at times too, it is not your fault. You`re wonderful. I hope you know it yourself.

Yes. Just in time.

Alam na!

2010-02-23T20:42:00.000+08:00

Mahirap magkwento kapag sinisikreto mo. Dalawa lang yan, pagkayari ng pag-uusap niyo kung hindi mahuhulaan ng kausap mo kung sino yu`n, ikaw na mismo ang gagawa nang ikabubuking mo ng hindi mo namamalayan.

Masarap magkwento sa kaibigan kasi nasasabi mo lahat at makakakuha ka rin ng advice at the same time. Pero paano kung hindi mo kayang sabihin sa mismong mga kaibigan mo? Komplikado. `De sa sarili mo na lang. Pero darating rin yung punto na kailangan mo nang magkwento. Kasi nagsisimula na silang magtanong. At sa panahong nagkwento ka na, `yun na. Patay ka na.

Sikreto nga kasi. Kaya puro second at third person yung ginagamit mo. Ikaw, siya, sila, kayo... Laging ganu`n, hindi pwedeng kami, ako. Laging may salitang 'halimbawa', kunwari.' Mahirap magkwento, maraming pasikut-sikot. Lahat ng karakter sa istorya mo, walang panggalan. Laging paano kung, kung ikaw siya. Magulo. Kumplikado.

At dahil nga sikreto tapos nagsimula ka nang magkwento, maaaliw ka `na. Kasi masarap sa pakiramdam na may napagsabihan ka na. Kaya ayun, nadala ka na, kwento, kwento, at kwento pa. Kahit walang panggalan. Kahit walang pagkakakilanlan.

Sa sobrang kasiyahan mo, hindi mo na namalayan na may mga salita at bagay ka nang nasasabi na nakapagbibigay ng ideya du`n sa kausap mo. Unti-unti nang nagkakamukha yung mga karakter ng istorya mo. Minsan, magsasabi na siya ng panggalan, pero ikaw, todo tanggi naman. Pokerface kumbaga. Parang wala lang. Sige, tuloy pa rin ang kwento.

Alam mo yung nakakabadtrip? `Yun yung tipong patapos na yung kwentuhan tapos may mga bagay na nasabi mong hindi mo inaasahan. Mga bagay na mas nakapagpatibay at nakapagpatotoo na sa kakuwentuhan mo kung sino nga yung mga taong tinutukoy mo. Masaklap. Mapapahiyaw ka talaga. Minsan, sa hiya.

Pero ganu`n talaga. Wala ka nang magagawa. Pakiusapan mo na lang yung nakaalam na kung pwede itago na lang. Nakakaloko pero nakakatuwa pa rin. Kasi, kahit isa may napagsabihan ka na. May nakaalam na. Maluwag sa pakiramdam, hindi ka na kasi nag-iisa. Siguradong may makakakwentuhan ka sa mga posibleng mangyari pa. At isa pa ang tiyak, kapag may nakaaalam pang iba, wala nang ibang may sala kung hindi siya.

Alam mo kung ano yung masaya sa pagkukwento sa mga walang panggalang karakter ng kwento? `Yun yung pagtanggap mo ng mga walang bias na komento galing sa kausap mo. Hindi kasi niya kilala, kaya in general niya tingnan yung sitwasyon, yung kwento. Mas makatotohanan rin tuloy yung mga advice na makukuha mo. Mas makakatulong sa`yo. At mas madalas lalo na kung salungat sa persepsyon mo, mas makakagulo sa isip mo. May second thoughts na, kumbaga. Talagang maguguluhan ka. Anu na nga ba talaga?

xxx

Credits to pizzadreams for the photo

Project 28 8&9/28

2010-02-23T19:58:00.000+08:00

This is serious now. I'm on a fucking diet. I started yesterday, yeah with the slimming coffee brrr. I have a cup then a bowl of porridge helped me get through the whole day. And super lots of water. Fruits too! Then at night, I eat dinner with only a tiny cup of rice. hrhrhr. But yeah, I started reviewing and I haven't resist temptation and I ate chips. Just a little. I danced. I slept about 11 pm. This is so not me.

I woke up 6:30 am. Then a cup of coffee again. I did a 30 minute exercise. Then I ate my lunch before going to school, a cup of rice again. Lots of water and fruits. Our professor dismissed us at 4, I went to the mall with Ferry. She owe me a treat and asked me if I want a sundae. I refused though I really want. I told her to buy me a yogurt instead. We stayed at the Food Court and holy cow, I'm drooling. She's eating chips and shake while I'm only eating my yogurt. A friend, Crishabelle came and she has tacos. Oh my. And she's eating right in front of me. Gaah, I really need to stop myself eating those foods, eh? But yeah, Saturday is my reward day so I can get to eat my food cravings. I can't wait.

This is pretty hard. Well yeah, hard. But I'm gonna do this 'cos I want to. I'm not doing this for anybody. I'm not doing this just for the money at stake. I'm doing this for myself and I'm sure this will be a success.

FUCKERIES OF LIFE

2010-02-22T06:38:00.000+08:00

22Feb10, 06:23 AM

Rise and shine, people! Oh yes, I'm awake. Last time of being online? 01:38 AM. But I am awake until 02 AM sumfing.Yeah, you totally got it. I don't have a life. I'm stuck with this, like forever.

What's up with about the 5 hours when I'm away? Totally not fine. Yes, I cried. Felt so alone. Damned. Doomed. I had a fight with my dad. And it's like a big fight. There, I found out that I am brave enough and a coward at the same time. I can say things out, yeah, the real things but with my room door closed. Yes, 'cos my father's too mad at me that he want to slap me with slippers and stuff. So yeah, I don't want to be hurt physically, that's why I hide then do the talking. We have exchanged words of fuckeries and stuff. Good way to start a day. Morning again, anyway!

So yeah, I have to attend school at 08:30 AM, I made this while drinking my newly found slimming coffee. Uh-huh, I'm not joking. I'm believing that it can make me slim. Oh please. I'm dead serious now. I want to lose weight. Fuck it. (Oh, and now I put up a fight with my mom. We've been nagging the whole time I write this paragraph.) Beat my family people. My ever-cool family.

So back to the coffee, this will be my first day to drink it, as I have read reviews on the 'net, I so hope this will work for me too. I've mentioned on my past post that I put up a game with 4 of my guy friends about me, losing weight, right? So yeah, I hope this will help me. But of course, I'm gonna help myself too. Oh, wish me luck. I need that.

*My mom's on the background again* Hay, why is my life like this? Oh well, I don't have a life as I say but why do I still feel this way? What should I do to make everything okay? Like srsly serious, I'm too tired of everything. I want to make my fucked up life fixed. Now. Ugh, what about suicide? Hah, joking. I'm not that stupid and desperate to do such act, but I'll consider it still.

I'mma end this now. My mom said, "Wag ka nang aalis diyan. Wala ka ng ginawa. Maghapon, magdamag, madaling araw. Ano ba nagagawa niyan? Sisikat ka ba diyan? Papakainin ka ba niyan?" And now I say, if only I can do so, I'll glue myself here, forever. Shit, I'm doing something. Can't you see? I'm doing something, but not so productively. I blow shits like this everyday. I share my thoughts and crafts to people the way I only know. I made others happy by giving out advices I fail to give myself. I blog about things; Read others' blogs. Oh cyberworld, that keeps me company. I feel alone but with this, I can feel a companion. I can say things, the things I can't say to people. Oh yes, I'm too famous now. I'm known. Try googling my name. And you'll see the shit. It ain't true but it fucked me to the bones. I hate it. Some strangers know me too. And they give a damn stalking me. They're interested with my life, unlike you. Yes, I know there'll be a time that I'll get money from this. And I can buy and eat anything I want. But now, I don't bother at all, 'cos I'm on a diet, JSYK.

GIVE ME A LIFE, PRETTY PLEASE?

2010-02-21T14:53:00.000+08:00

Hi. Okay, I'm updating this now with what's happening in real life. Like yeah, real life. Stop the dreaming shizz. I noticed that I flooded this with all the love, war, and heartache related posts. So yeah, this time I'm gonna tell you what really is happening to me. I'm doing this 'cos yes, I never feel this alone again. I'm okay with all the people around me but then, I feel like I can't tell anything to them, that I can't talk to them. So yeah, the problem's within me. One thing, I'm not happy nor sad.. I just feel empty.

School. Oh well, everything's fine. My grades are fine. I'm attending class still. But yeah, I'm not studying the way I study before. It's like I'm going to school for the sake of going to school. I am active, yes. 'Cos I believe I'm smart enough to learn the lessons well. I'm studying all of my subjects but Accounting. I don't know. It's the major subject, I know. And really, it lost my interest. I feel like I'm really not into it. Gaah, I'm afraid that I won't be successful 'cos that's what I want to be, but what should I do? I can't stand that subject, or maybe the teacher? Most likely.

Family. Some kind of fine? I don't know. Sometimes we're fine, sometimes we're not. I'm cool with my family. It's just natural for us to yell and fight. But sometimes I've thought that it's better if my parents will just separate than hear them fight. You know what I mean? I hate it when they're fighting. So better if they just go their separate ways. But I won't be happy either. Kill me. I don't know.

Friends. Fine. Perfectly fine. But yeah, again it's me. The problem, I mean. I don't know, I'm kind of being melodramatic the past months. My friends are so good. They are all awesome and I love them all. But there are times that I feel bad about them. I mean, the simple things. 'Cos I feel bad whenever they forget about me, when they say shitty things about me. Oh well, I'm talking about real friends here, right? I love being with my friends that's why I always set dates with them. One thing I wish for my circle? I hope we'll be more showy, like we can exchange hugs and kisses frequently. Those stuff showing affection. I mean, it feels so good when someone hugs me. I think I need a lot of hugs. But on my circle, we rarely hug. And it's kind of awkward for me, to tell them to hug me everytime. So yeah, I'm super wanting a hug. That way, I won't feel this loneliness.

Love. The shit. Okay, status now? I'm falling. Yeah, srsly. No matter how I stop myself, it just doesn't work. I don't know how he made me feel like this. Well, he has no idea, after all. But yeah, I'm gonna stay this way na lang. I won't let him know 'cos I don't want to fail again. Yeah, I hate failing though I always fail, so yeah I'm kinda used to it. Fuck the Kim and Gerald movie 'cos it made me realize so many things. Before watching that, I've been thinking about a guy friend and after the movie, I start thinking of another. That's a real shit. I mean, love's too fine for me. But sometimes I can't stop thinking that love is really not for me. Love is a failure for me. Like, I'll be stuck with this, like this forever. For real. How lame the life I have, huh? I guess I need to satisfy myself on the love I can see in others. So status again? I'm falling and ready to be hurt again.

What's up with me?

So it's weekend. I have Saturday classes but it was canceled yesterday? You know that shit when you're all ready to go to school? Woke up too early, took your bath and get all dressed-up then someone texted you that the class is canceled. Oh yes, it feels good but fuck it too. Get me?

I stayed up in front of the computer starting 7:30 am. I do stuff. Online. And yeah, start watching a new series. Liar Game. Marathon. I stopped at 5:00 pm. Like yeah, straight. I went to sleep. I woke up 11 pm. Then yeah, get online again. Then go DVD marathon. Sleep at 3:30 am. Then yeah, woke up 12 nn. Went online. And yeah, until now. Yes, that's how I live. I live to do nothing. I don't have a life. My body clock is so fucked up and so am I.

I also need to go on diet. I put a game with my guy friends that I'll be losing an inch in just a month. So yeah, what's up now? I'm eating double. Fuckyeah, I'm not doing anything yet to lose weight. I seriously don't have a life. I'm such a waste. Pretty waste. Oh I'm doing something pala, I'm starting to save money so that I can pay for them. Cos I know I'll be losing. Fuck me. I hate the way I think. You hate me too, don't you?

I have my exam on my major subject on Tuesday and until now, I know nothing. Maybe I'll start reviewing Monday night. Yeah, that's how I review. I will procrastinate first, then do the review on a rush. And it works, though!

So yeah, too much for the nonsense update. I hope I get better. I hate the way I live my life now. Emptiness it is. So yeah, gotta goes.

In just 10 minutes

2010-02-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

I planned of blogging about how much I adore and like you. About everything that made me feel like this... towards you. But in just 10 minutes, it changed.

Hindi naman sa ayoko na. Naisip ko lang na dapat siguro itigil ko na 'to, habang maaga pa. Keysa isulat ko lahat ng mga bagay kung bakit naging ganito ako ngayon, mas okay na sigurong isulat na lang yung mga dahilan kung bakit hindi na ako dapat magpatuloy pa.

Kailan ko lang talaga naramdaman 'to. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit, basta na lang. Eto ngayon, ang gulo na ng isip ko. Grabe. Super stuck ka na sa utak ko. Lagi kita naiisip. Lagi kita gustong makausap. Parang super obsessed. Ganun. Alam mo yun, ayaw ko na sanang isipin ka pero wala. Andito ka pa rin.

Ewan ko ba. May oras na feeling ko, gusto kita. Meron naman din na oras na feeling ko, kaibigan lang talaga. Minsan kasi may spark, minsan may kilig, minsan rin wala. Hindi ko lang talaga naisip na magkakaganito ako. Lalo na sa'yo. But don't worry, hindi pa ko super hulog na hulog. Kaso mukhang malapit na ata. Tsk.

Nilalagay ko na sa isip ko na 'wag na, hindi pwede. Baka kasi masayang lang ang lahat. Baka kasi katulad ka rin niya. Nung mga iba. Nakakatakot. Ayaw ko rin naman ng ganun. Mas okay na sa akin na ganito na lang tayo, kesa naman mawala lahat. Pero masarap rin yung feeling na masabi ko sana sayo. Lahat. Kaso nga, baka katulad ka rin niya, na nung sinabi ko na gusto ko siya, nawala lahat. Kung gaano namin kalapit sa isa't isa, ganun na rin kami ngayon, kalayo.

Ngayon? Sa totoo lang. Nalulungkot ako. Nagseselos ako. Gusto kong umiyak. Shet. Hindi naman ako ganito dati. Oh my! Iba 'to. Iba yung pakiramdam. Masakit. Kung anu-ano yung sinasabi ko. May nakita lang ako, nakakaselos na. Bakit ganito? Ayoko naman kasing magustuhan ka talaga kasi nga baka may masaktan ako but then again like shit, ako yung nasasaktan. So dapat talaga itigil na ito.

Ewan. Kaya mas okay talaga na crush-crush na lang, eh? Kasi that way, hindi gaano masakit. Sakto lang. Pag ayos, kikiligin, pag hindi, okay lang rin. Eh yung ganito? Hindi, eh. Iba yung sakit, pwede kang mapaiyak. Nakakalungkot. Sana kung ano ka na lang sa akin dati, ganun ka na lang rin ngayon. Hindi yung ganito, mahirap kasi. Ako, gusto ka habang ikaw walang kamalay malay. Gusto ko na talaga kasing sabihin, para ayun, masabi lang. Naramdaman ko na kasi yung ganung feeling dati, mas magaan sa loob. Gusto ko yung ganun. Kasi super mahirap. Mahirap na ako lang yung may alam.

Tae. Yun nga kasi, wala akong mapagsabihan. Ako lang. Pag natutuwa o nalulungkot ako tungkol sa'yo wala akong mapagkwentuhan. Super sinasarili ko lahat. Kinakausap ko sarili ko. Ngumingiti, tumatawa... parang tanga lang. Kaya ayun, super sakit. Eh kasi naman, parang mali kasi to 'eh. Kaya sa akin na lang. Hindi ko naman pwedeng sabihin sa kanila dahil baka hindi nila matanggap. Hindi makapaniwala. Mabigla. Saka naisip ko rin na ayusin ko na lang 'to mag-isa. Baka sakaling makalimutan ko to. So wala nang magugulo. Sassabihin ko na lang after 10 years, na may panahon na nagustuhan kita.

Hindi naman siguro mali yung mga naiisip ko. Ewan. Pero paano nga kasi kung sinabi ko sayo? Malay ko, may ibang magandang mangyari. Paano naman yun? Sayang diba. Regrets na naman. Regrets na lang lagi. What if sundin ko yung gusto ko? Na sabihin sayong gusto kita. What if sundin ko yung payo mo dati pa, na kung may gusto ka, sabihin mo... take the risk. Hindi ko akalain, na sayo ko rin pala mararamdaman 'to. Nakakagago. So panu nga kaya kung sayo? Matatanggap mo kaya lahat ng sasabihin ko? Baka kasi iwanan mo rin ako. Nakakatakot kasi. Kaya ganito ko, kasi ayaw kong masaktan. Kaya 'di bale na lang.

Story of My Life

2010-02-16T09:40:00.000+08:00

I wish I had never met you.

Then there would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for acting like you care. No need, for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.

But then again, I'm glad I did met you. Cause you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong. You were the one who loved me for me. The one who cared when everyone else didn;t. The one who listened. The one who stayed up late just to talk about the most random shit ever. You were the one who I told secrets to. The one who taught me new things. The one who laughed at my bad jokes. The one who did things, just for me.

xxx

I'm talkin' about you here. Like as always.

I want to meet the original writer, HAHA. We'll click!

Credits to: LINK

This is you again.Oh, why you?

2010-02-15T10:03:00.000+08:00

DISCLAIMER: Oh noes! This was a mess. It is so not organized and as in not connected. If this is technical writing, this is an epic major fail. But yeah, this is just a spontaneous entry coming from the shitty head of me. So yeah, this is just how I feel now and so please, bear with me.

I am weird. I am stupid. I am a total shit. I don't get myself.

I am sentimental and overly dramatic, yes. But when it comes to other people feeling that way, especially because of me, I beg to disagree. I don't want to see people sad and fcuked up just because of me. It's fine when I'm sad so everyone should be fine too. You should be fine too. I really feel bad in times like this. I'm such a bad ass.

It feels good when someone gives up something for me. And you just did. But I need to remember that you've done so to mend my shitty feeling. Because the same way, it feels bad when someone can't give up something for me. And that, you just did. I don't know which to believe now.

I am so weird. I should be having no worries 'cos I'm the one who has been hurt but I never thought I'd be worried like this. Worried over you. Worried to the person who made me feel like this. Worried 'cos you won't be okay not until I'm okay, but which I really am not okay and I want you to be okay. That shit. I feel stupid.

I won't forget that night. It's been the most awkward night we had. And in a way, it has become special to me. We're so not like this. It feels like we are two different people having a conversation. I realized we are not those high school kids we were before. Not anymore. We have matured. We're serious and we're crying. Your words kind of struck me. You've really grown. It moved me. I like that.

I want to believe you but I can't. It's not about broken trusts and stuff. I just convinced myself that not all things are true. People lie. People lie the same way we need to eat just to stay alive. And sadly, most lies are the beautiful ones. Your words are awesome 'cos I feel so special. Gladly, I did not believe again. You have not stand up to your words twice in just one night. I'm not okay but you sleep.

I'm Twisted

2010-02-15T09:49:00.000+08:00

It is a weird feeling when different emotions eat you up. You're happy, then sad and now you're having a hard time thinking what you are feeling. A very hard time knowing what you should feel. It's been great though, that at least in times like this, I know my mind is really working. And even my heart. They are both super working for me. Great.

Yes, I am fcuking twisted.

I hate you tonight

2010-02-14T21:07:00.001+08:00

My Valentines Day is good. It's great. I'm talking about the Valentines day literally. All's good by day but the night? Like now. Tonight? No, it is not. I plan to post everything that happened today but yeah, I'm ruined. I'm sad? Yes. I want to write how much my friends made me happy today but my mood's totally messed up now. I can't write those happy moments when I feel so fcuked up. Oh yes, my kind of writing is also fcuked up. All be fcuked.

This may be shallow but yeah, because of that one thing, I almost forget how much happy I am. And yes, I'm crying. Oh. I really don't know. I'm such a shallow person. People's words are like everything to me. And your words tonight, it fcuks me up. I just can't believe you can't give me that one little favor. I'm asking if you can give me a favor and you just said yes. When I told you about it, you backed out. You know what's shitting the hell out of me? You even have the guts to prove what I'm feeling towards you. You thought I won't do it for the sake of money and for the sake that you'll feel I'm really okay? Oh boy, you're wrong. I don't care. I fcuking feel bad.

I did it just to prove how bad I felt. And for Pete's sake, you give me the favor. Like shit, why the hell? Why now? And you're telling me, just to fix things up between us. That is so lame. What's done's done. Hope you'd just stand up on your words. I don't get it why I'm crying now. It's been too long since I last cried. And now you, you made me shed a tear. You made me cry.

Like srsly, I'm so happy the whole day. Then you fail me and now I'm crying. Shit. Valentines is really overrated. You're my closest and now we're in this sitch. Blame yourself. I hate you for making me feel like this. Too ironic that I even told you I love you just before we had a fight and now I'm ending the night hating you. I know it won't take us long to make it up, but yeah this is how I felt. I'm not okay and I hate you.

Photo from Google; Moi current Facebook profile picture.

For V-Day's Sake

2010-02-14T00:43:00.001+08:00

Miss You

by Kathleen S. Musni

Days and weeks passed by

I didn't hear from you

A glance on your photograph

I don't know what to do.

Every minute I'm thinking of you

Are you thinking of me too?

Lying here wide awake

Oh boy, how I miss you.

In every dream

You're always there

I wanna scream

But you could not hear.

Struggling with this pain

Pain with no cure

Staring in obscurity

I need your help

I need you here with me.

**Back to my Junior days in high school.

Photo by LINK

Yun Lang, Gusto Kita

2010-02-12T23:31:00.000+08:00

Dear You,

Alam mo, gusto kita. Oo, 'nun pa. Hindi ko lang sinasabi kasi maraming dahilan. Masyadong kumplikado. Ewan ko, natutuwa kasi ako sa'yo. Nararamdaman ko rin kasing pinapahalagahan mo ako. Oo, gusto kita.

Dati, akala ko crush lang. Alam mo yun, paghanga. Nakakatuwa ka kasi, napapasaya mo ako. Pero ngayon, parang iba na. Ibang-iba na. Gusto na kita laging makasama. At pagkasama na kita, sobra ko naman ng saya. Gusto kita laging makausap. At pagkausap na kita,parang ayaw ko nang matapos pa. At pagkausap kita, nakakalimutan ko na lahat ng iba ko pang dapat gawin. Masyado akong naging abala at tutok sa'yo. Gusto na nga talaga kita.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung bakit o kung paano. Basta bigla na lang. Nakakagulat. Pero hindi ko pinigilan na maramdaman ko ito, kasi alam kong gusto ko. Minsan nga naiisip ko, paano kung maging tayo, magiging masaya kaya tayo pareho? Naiisip ko rin, gusto mo rin kaya ako? O nagustuhan mo rin kaya ako? Kahit kaunti lang. Siguro kapag ang sagot mo ay oo, kikiligin ako. At kapag hindi naman, tiyak malulungkot ako. Bakit? Kasi gusto kita.

Matapang na tao ako. Yung mga bagay na gusto kong sabihin, sinasabi ko. Wala akong pakialam sa mga sasabihin ng ibang tao. Iilan lang yung mga pagkakataon na talagang itinatago at sinasarili ko. At siguro, isa ito sa iilan na iyon. Kaya kong sabihin sa'yo, oo. Pero mas pipiliin ko muna sa ngayon na huwag na lang. Ayoko kasing may masasagasaan na tao sa mga bagay na gagawin ko. Mahirap rin yung ganito, masikip sa puso. Gusto ko nang ilabas. Pero hindi talaga, kahit gusto kita.

Hindi ko alam kung mababasa mo ito. Dahil pagdating sa mga ganitong ginagawa ko, hindi naman sa wala kang pakialam, hindi mo lang siguro trip makialam at alamin kung ano ang mga nangyayari sa akin at sa buhay ko. Sa malamang kahit masakit mang malaman, wala ka nga atang pakialam. Pero sa panahong makita at mabasa mo ito, tatlong bagay lang ang hihilingin ko: Una, sana maramdaman mo, kahit kaunti lang, na ikaw, ikaw ang tinutukoy ng sulat na ito. At pangalawa, sa panahong naramdaman mong para sa iyo ito, sana ipaalam mo sa akin kung ano ang nararamdaman mo. At pangatlo, kapag sasabihin mo na sa akin ang nararamdaman mo, sana naman ang maririnig ko ay yung mga salitang, Oo gusto mo rin ako.

Hindi naman sa naghahangad ako ng masyado, sinasabi ko lang kung ano yung totoong nararamdaman ko. Sino ba naman kasi ang may hindi gustong magustuhan ka ng taong gusto mo. Oo alam ko, magulo. Pero ganu'n talaga. Pagdating sa ganito, lagi akong naloloko. Hayaan mo, sa panahong handa na ako, pangako ilalagay ko na ang panggalan mo dito. Huwag mong isiping ikinahihiya kita, kasi hindi 'yon totoo. Kaya nga ginawa ko ito dahil sa sobrang paghanga at pagkabilib ko sa'yo. Sa kung ano at sino ka talaga. Nakakatuwa. Nakakaloko. Nakakahulog. Kaya heto ako ngayon, gustung- gusto ka.

Love always,

Photo by LINK

All That I Am, All That I Ever Was

2010-02-12T00:37:00.000+08:00

Being alone sometimes brings me closer with my lost self. It's been years that I felt something in me is really missing. The person who I was is nowhere to be found. The self which I placed somewhere I do not know. It's sweet... and woeful.

I've been surrounded with lots of people; strangers, friends, animals and bullshits. They made me forget that there is more to life than clinging in to them. It is so serious that I almost forget about myself. To be honest, I think I've been busy pleasing and entertaining these creatures. And now I realized, they are so creepy and the thought of it scares me.

Three days since I unite with my soul. It keeps on whispering the words I should have known way back. The mumbled words before that I did not mind. The things that is futile to me, I thought. And I was wrong. I should have listened. Fuck.

Everything is slowly getting lucid now. I am now conscious of the things I should have known for so long. It feels like I've been awakened. I can now appreciate. I can understand now and I am getting the hang of it. Everything is clearer now. My long lost self is soon to be found.

PHOTO by LINK

I'm so googled.

2009-11-05T01:37:00.001+08:00

GOOGLE homepage is super cute. I like it so much. Sesame Street, yaw! LALALALIKE.

So yeah, just wanna share it here. Happy 5th day of November.

Happy birthday to my dear brother, Kirby Tristan.

And, yeah may this be a happy day for me too.

Though I'll be taking my exam in Accounting later.

Wish me luck! HAHAHA.

I AM BADLY NEEDING THAT. :)

So, that's it for now.

BYEBYE.

*cyberhug*

**waves and fades**

Open Happiness. AWOO.

2009-11-02T00:41:00.000+08:00

November one. Happiness. So much different on how I ended my October 2009. Yeap, I super cried last Saturday. My mom and I argued just because of the cooking oil. It's been an hour of nonstop nagging. I cried a lot. HAHA.

So yeah, November 1 is really my day. I'm not dead, I know. I'm just a zombie, I guess. *lowlz. Okay, so I woke up about 10 in the morning because they told me to get ready 'coz we'll be going to the cemetery to visit the members of our family who passed away. So yeah, and after three days, I finally, HA-HA-HA. :))

We went to the cemetery and yes it's all a picnic vibe. We eat out, hang out and chill at the cemetery, how about that? We also play cards. tsk. It's been a family reunion for us. We went home at 4:30 I guess, and we prayed before we leave. We continued the celebration(?) at my Mama's place. Yeah, we eat more and talk more. My cousins and I played Plants VS Zombies, HAHA. And I guess I'll be addicted to it, it's a fun game, eh? :)

SO yeah, we went home at 7 pm. I went straight in front of this and go Facebook-ing again. Oh shoots, I found a 4 million coin on my Friends For Sale profile, HAHA. Lucky. yes, I'm an active owner/pet. HAHA. And yes, I'm in to Tumblr now, I'm a newbie there. Guess, I'll be focusing on my account there on the next few days. Gaah, and I've thought of leaving my Plurk account. :| Is that a good decision? I just can't handle it the past weeks, eh? Especially this second sem, I promised myself that I will strive harder this time. Jeez, hope I can stand it.

So that's it. An ambush post, HAHA. New month, new life for me. HAHA. Welcome November. This month deserves a YAY! :D

Si Kathleen ay Muling Kumibo

2009-10-30T15:43:00.000+08:00

Sembreak. Hindi ako ag-eenjoy. Parang wala lang. SHIT. It's been ~~weeks~~ a month na ata na ganito ang routine ko sa buhay. Magcomputer, kumain, matulog, gumising, magtext, magcomputer. Pero, hindi ako nagsasawa. Masaya, eh? KAMON! This is watchakol life. May idadagdag na'ko ulit sa daily activities ko, at yun ay ang magbasa ng libro at magDVD marathon. Meron pa akong exam sa Accounting, dapat ngayun yon, mamayang 5pm, pero dahil daw may bagyo, kanselado. Ewan ko naman kung dapat ba akong magpasalamat o maasar. Salamat kasi walang exam, wala rin naman kase akong alam. Maaasar kasi kahit naman ipostpone at ireschedule pa yan, ganun pa rin, wala pa rin akong magiging alam. Dagdag pa sa iisipin ko yun. So I therefore conclude dapat talaga nag-exam na. Tapos pagkayari ng exam saka bumagyo, nabasa yung mga test papers, de tapos na. No evidences. Nakuha mo yung logic? May point naman ako di'ba? So ayun, walang dapat ikaligaya. Ugh.

Wala. Wala na talagang nangyayari sa buhay ko. Sa Plurk, super karma down na ang inabot ko. Nawala na sa nirvana. Nawala na. 71 point something na lang karma ko. Sa mga laro ko sa FB, napag-iwanan na din. Sa PetSo, sa Resto, sa FV, sa CW, sa IP.. WALA NA. Wala na lahat. Basura. Taob. Shet. Eh anu naman? Wapakels na ko dun. Hindi na ko nag-eenjoy. Boring. Hay, life. Wala na bang iba?

Ngayon, wala. Wala pa din, wala na rin akong masabi, pansin mo? Tsk. Magbabasa na nga lang ako. Kawawang kawawa na talaga ako, feeling ko lang. Hindi ko alam kung baket. Shet, anu ba'to? Hindi ko mapigilan yung daliri kong magtype. Tae. Sabog na sabog ako. Tigilan na 'to, next time nalang. Napaka wa enta neto. SERYOSO. AMFAMFAMF. gege. bb. ingat. o_______O

This Is For All The Different Girls Who Loved The Same Guy

2009-09-16T11:18:00.000+08:00

Here's to the ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute.

Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.

Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.

Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if".

This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with.

Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again.

This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, and their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Here's for the ones who FINALLY realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here’s for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here’s for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. we deserve better.

This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt.

Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.

One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry.

You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like crap, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

CREDITS TO: [LINK]

The Bitter, The Better.

2009-08-31T16:18:00.000+08:00

I so love my profile picture on Facebook. HAHAHA.

I run out of things to do last night, eh?

That's why I took pictures of myself and edited some of it.

I find this one cool so I made it my profile picture.

And yes, I need to replace my picture on FB 'coz I'm so over showing off the emo side of me, heehee. :)

So here's the bitter side of me, I guess.

HAHAHA. lame.

That's it for now, I'm so busy doing school stuffs, eh?

FYI: my grades are so low. yes, eff. HMP. HAHA.

kk, so long! bb.

This is the moment

2009-08-20T22:35:00.000+08:00

An AWWW-slash-AW moment (based on a true story)

Girl feels like throwing up and the guy saw her...

Guy: Oh? Buntis ka?
Girl: (smiles.)
Guy: Three months?
Girl: HAHA.
Guy: Sino ama?
Girl: (smiles sheepishly.)

Behind the guy's back...

Girl: Kung alam mo lang kung sino sana...

HAHAHA. Mushy. :'>

So I cry and I pray and I beg, love me, love me, say that you love me

2009-08-19T00:08:00.000+08:00

This post is not planned. GOSH. My friend, ugh.. and now I am doubting if I should recognize her as one. gaddemmit. She's really getting in to my nerves. Though I am not feeling bad trip or angry or what, I just don't get it why she acted that way. Is she in to drugs? I am busy Facebook-ing then I receive a text from her, and oh yes btw, the name is Ferry Lene T. Mendiola. Oh it is not a PM you know, it is a group message. AND yes, she's muddaeffin' out of her mind. Her message is full of shitness and more shitness. Okay, sorry for my words, I won't keep it uncensored because, really I am in rage now. I just want to feel the fire burning in.

So here is the fcuking first message:

"Palimos ng konting panahon mo"

-linya ng batang itago natin sa panggalang "Kathleen" sa kanyang "dream guy"

...peace katz... sweet dreams. i love you katz
...bsa/bsba secret lang to ha... baka madinig ni "dream guy" hahaha
..good night. :)

Since I am not unli tonight, I just miscalled her. Then she texted me again:

natouch ka ba sa gm ko? alam kong di ka unli kaya naintindihan ko na yung missed call mo. You're welcome my dearest friend, kahit di mo sabihin naiintindihan ko, para saan pa at naging magkaibigan tayo, diba? Ayos lang yan, wag ka nang umiyak jan. Pero okay lang kung tears of joy. hahaha

then I replied:

tae na yoo, i love you (pajoke na mura, baka mamisunderstoof mo, eh?) kagago mo tlaga, nakakahiya. Ginamit mo pa siya para lang masabi mong mahal mo ko, wag ganun. Okay na yung i love you na lang.

then she replied:

haha ala lang maghintay ka pa pag di pa ko inaantok maya-maya madadagdagan pa yan. haha sulitin ko yung unli ko hehe.

So I did not reply anymore, and for goodness sake, my phone rang again and another group message has been sent:

"bakit nga ba mahal kita kahit na may mahal ka ng iba"

-share ko lang guys yung song na dninededicate ni katz sa "the man of my dreams" nya... :)

And good as I am, I just ignore it and continue my life, then after a while, I received the third and shittest message:

hahaba ng bonggang bongga ang buhok ni Kathleen bukas... wag na kayong magtaka kung makakatapak kayo ng buhok pagtuntong nyo ng Cabanatuan sapagkat the man of her dreams ay kakanta ng bonggang bongga bukas. Nanamnamin nya na siya ang hinaharana ni "dream guy" at dahan-dahan siyang lilipad sa kalangitan sa sobrang hangin sa ulo ngunit puputukin ni "Reyes" ang lumolobo niyang ulo sa sobrang selos. Subaybayan natin ang susunod na kabanata.

Dito na nagtatapos ang chika update ko for today. This is your chika master Ferry, thank you! For more infor, check this website: www.chikamaster-katzlovelife.com.ph

good night... ILY, K.

SO NOW WHAT? WTF??? I don't know. I am not mad but I am thinking about my classmates and friends' reactions tomorrow. GAWD, this one's a big issue. CRAPPYBS.

*Oh yes, I even shot a photo of that muddaeffin' quote she group messaged. I even put my oinky boinky there, oh! And I showed off my skills in lettering. Sheeessh. Oh I thought, everything today is happy. But yes, this one is lame. Very lame. Gaah, I should be sleeping this time. eh? I need to wake up early tomorrow, 'coz I'll be applying for my driver's license naa! YAY! Oh sorry, 'yay' isn't good for this raging post. HAHA. So, now what? Adios, amigos! BB bitckes. LMAO. (kk, I'll edit this soon.)

FN: The title is not related to the post itself. I am just running out of titles, eh? It's the banner of my Multiply site. Come on, check it out: [LINK]

You make me happy whether you know it or not

2009-08-18T20:04:00.000+08:00

August 18, 2009. Tuesday. Marked.

I have never been THIS HAPPY for a long time now. Thanks God for giving it to me today. I'm talking about the happiness, babe. Truly remarkable. :D I thought that this would be just an ordinary day for me, going to school then going home, you know. BUT, I'm wrong. I've got a lot of reasons to show off my pearly whites. And I'll tell it to you now, one by one.

First, it's him. MWAHAHA. (kinikilig ako, srsly.) Oh well, being the 'first' reason goes to show that this is the primary reason of my happiness. Yes, it is. His smile? Candid and captivating. His eyes? Sincere and penetrating. His voice? Oh boy, it's perfect. He has the rockstar-can-be-balladeer-voice. As time goes by, my admiration to this guy goes deeper and deeper. I heard him sing once and then I heard him again earlier today. And yes, he got me head over heels in like with him. Great voice, playing instruments and whatever music inclination is really my weakness. He's playing the guitar and he is singing on our room and all I know is... Bang! Bang! It's like I so love him to death. I just can't stop myself from smiling the whole time he sings. Too bad, I went out with my friends that's why I haven't finished his whole concert thing. But that's fine with me anyway, because I am afraid that one more song from him will make me fall on my knees. Get me? :) (oh, God! What am I just saying?) So yeah, I will just watch him tomorrow on our club day because he will be the one representing our club on a singing contest. YAY! Gosh, if he sings a Christian Bautista song tomorrow, damn! I don't know, he will definitely get me. I am so ready to swoon over him. And yes, I am smiling until now. YIKI! :'>

I just don't get it why he is always singing Hale songs. And he even sang Your Guardian Angel. Damn, mi favorito, btw.

Oh man, it makes my feeling more intense. Jeez, we have the same choice of music. Uuuy, soulmates. *lowlz. I wish, though!

Oh, reality check-slash-bad news: He's taken. BOOHOO. HAHAHAHA.

Second, I have bumped Mrs Mananquil, the adviser of our school paper, The Immaculate on the school corridor. And guess what? She told me that she had read my written article and she loves it. Jeez, I really did not expect it because I know that particular article is lacking of something I do not know. Okay I'll tell it to you straight, I know that I have not given my best in writing that article because I really am not feeling well that time. That is why it really shocked me when she told me she likes it. And she told me too to continue writing good works. Oh, man! Though I know I don't deserve that compliment, it made me happy in a way, of course. Like hello? HAHA. Yipee. And that makes me want to write more, HAHA. Inspired, eh? I am really inspired... read above paragraph. HAHA. :)

And lastly, my friends. OF COURSE. They are the reason that I breathe, they are the reason I still believe. JAI HO. HAHAHA. Nah. Kidding aside, they really made me happy, too. We bonded so much today. Specifically, it's Cathy and Ferry (yeah, make it KATY PERRY) we talked a lot, especially our rants about love, life and friendship. Yes, need I say more? We enjoyed reviewing for our quiz on Computer although we are so noisy. Luckily, we got 29 out of 30. The three of us. BOOHOO still. My wrong answer is mispelled, I made it 'stirring' instead of 'steering.' Ferry's wrong answer is also mispelled, she wrote 'inplementation' instead of 'implementation.' Cathy's wrong answer is, ugh, don't mind it, it is just because it is a wrong answer, heehee. And my two other friends, got 29 too and they got the same mistake with Cathy. Will this be a good proof that my friends and I are smart? HAHA. jk. And for the record, I am not that bad in spelling, it just so happen, you know. (Oh, too defensive, eh?) FYI: We reviewed just one our before the quiz. So, are we smart? Yes or yes? :D Aww, I so appreciate it, thank you. HAHA. So getting back to the story, we laugh a lot today. Super. We are all having a tight budget but still we went to the mall and decide to eat out. Yet, we're having a hard time choosing where to eat because of our budget. And after 30 minutes of discussion, we ended up eating at KFC. Yes, that was fun though. And let me share you our deal, that we are going to eat out one time and we will be ordering no drinks, just water and then we will just look for calamansi and putting it on the water, turning our water in to a calamansi juice. Yes, for real. Oh, that's exciting. HAHA.

Yes, I am so happy today. I hope I'll still be tomorrow and forever more. HAHAHA. Yiki, so that's it for now. I'll just update you soon, kk? bb everyone, take care! :x

_______________________________________________________

I know you hate it when I say these things right in your face but I can’t lie, you know me better it’s cause the words inside just speak the truth.

Will This Pen Ever Run Out of Ink? II

2009-08-16T21:40:00.000+08:00

NINOY'S LETTER TO DAUGHTER BALLSY (1973)

August 18, 1973

FortBonifacio

Makati, Rizal

Ms. Maria Elena C. Aquino

25 Times St. Quezon City

My dearest Ballsy,

I write you this letter with tears in my eyes and as if steel fingers are crushing my heart because I wanted so much to be with you as you celebrate your legal emancipation. Now that you have come of age, my love, a voice tells me that I am no longer young and suddenly, I feel old.

An old poet gave this advice very long ago “when you are sad, remember the roses will bloom in December.” I want to send you bouquet of roses, big red roses from my dreamland garden. Unfortunately for the present, my roses are not in bloom, in fact they have dropped all their petals and only the thorns are left to keep me company. I do think it is fitting to send you a thicket of thorns on this memorable day!

I am very proud of you because you have inherited all the best traits of your mother. You are sensible, responsible, even-tempered and sincere with the least pretenses and affection which vehemently detest in a woman. I am sure like your mother, you will possess that rare brand of silent courage and that combination of fidelity and fortitude that will be the life vest of your man in the tragic moments of his life.

During my lonely hours of solitary confinement in FortMagsaysay, Laur, Nueva Ecija last March and April with nothing else to do but pray and daydream, with only my fond memories to keep me company, I planned a weekend barrio fiesta for you in Tarlac for your 18th birthday. I fooled myself into believing that my ordeal would end with the fiscal year. I planned to invite all your classmates and friends and their families for the weekends.

The schedule called for an early departure by bus from Manila and the first stop will be Concepcion , where lunch will be served by the pool. And after lunch, you were to visit the SantaRitaElementary School to distribute cookies and ice cream to the children of that public school where you were first enrolled.

I guess sheer nostalgia prompted me to include Santa Rita. We were only three then: Mommie, you and I. Those were the days of happy memories little responsibilities, tremendous freedom, a great future ahead and capped by a fulfillment of love.. You are the first fruit of our union, the first proof of our love and the first seal of our affections.

From Concepcion we were to proceed to Luisita for the barrio fiesta. I intended to invite a friend who could roast an entire cow succulently. Swimming, pelota, dancing and eating would have been the order of the day.

Sunday morning was reserved for a trip around the Hacienda and the mill and maybe golf for some of the parents and later a picnic-lunch on Uncle Tony’s Island . Return to Manila after lunch. I am afraid this will have to remain as one of the many dreams I had in Laur.

Our future has suddenly become uncertain and our fate unknown. I am even now beginning to doubt whether I’ll ever be able to return to you and the family. Hence, I would like to ask you these special favors.

Love your mother, whose love for you, you will never be able to match. She is not the greatest mother in the world, she is your sincerest friend.

Take care of your younger sisters and brother and lavish them with the love and care I would like to continue giving them but am unable to do so.

Help Noy-noy along and pray hard that he will grow to be a real, responsible man who in later years will protect you all.

You are the model for your three younger sisters. Your responsibility is therefore great. Please endeavor to live up to our highest expectations. Be more tolerant to Pinky, more accessible to Viel, our little genius-princess, and more charitable to Krissy, our baby doll, and make up for my neglect.

Finally, forgive me, my love, for not having been an ideal, good and thoughtful father to you all as I pursued public office. I had hopes and high resolve of making up, but I am afraid my destiny will not oblige.

I seal this letter with a drop of tear and a prayer in my heart, that somehow, somewhere we shall meet again and I will finally be able to make up for all my lapses, in the kingdom where justice reigns supreme and love is eternal.

I love you,

Dad

I'm looking for love this time, sounding hopeful but it's making me cry

2009-08-12T09:58:00.000+08:00

Okay, for the records, my previous entry disturbs a lot of people. They are all like asking what's with my (L) life. And they all got one answer: NONE. Don't worry, I'm fine... way much better than fine. FINEST, eh? I just wrote that for the sake of writing and getting your attention. HAHA. But seriously, that was what I am feeling that day... only that day. :D But now, that feeling is all dead and gone. I'm super feeling light and ugh, whimsy? overjoyed? I don't know why but I am so damn happy. So why not at least be happy for me? :)
I know, the title is very catchy again. I don't know why but that song is my LSS these days. Yes, I know what you're thinking. It's the exact opposite of what I just wrote above. It's somehow bitter. Come on, go! Judge me or kill me if you'd love to. It's all free by the way. BUT, BUT, and BUT... I am not. I am not bitter. HAHAHA. I'm an anti-bitterness person now, eh? That's one of my advocacies in life, to make bitterness disappear on our world. On our should-be-filled-with-happiness-world. I just love to make that title to be my title, alright? DEAL WITH THAT. And really, check out that song... (though I know it's kind of an old song from Mr. A-Z, heehee.) it really makes me "aww..", seriously.
Okay, I will leave it just what it is. I should be doing something right this very moment, eh? I should be reviewing because I will be taking my Accounting exam later tonight. Oh yes, wish me luck. BUT instead of reviewing, I am Facebook-ing, playing poker and two other games, and yes, blogging. At least I know this ain't a sin. ME RIGHT? Yes I am. :P So yes, after posting this, I will go straight to bathe and yes, be ready for school. I'm going to school early, stay at the library and do my stuff: review. I hate to but I need it, eh? God, for goodness sake, I'll be reviewing. HAHA. Okay, so now what? Adios, got to go. :D

_______________________________

Love is blinding when the timing's never right.

Right in the thick of love, at times we get sick of love

2009-08-04T10:57:00.000+08:00

Holla people! It's been a while since my last post, ah? Oh, it has been a long while, mind you. And now, I'm trying to catch up again. Sorry for being absent the past weeks, I've been attacked by my sickness, eh? Laziness plus a blank-mind. There are a lot of things that keep me busy the moment I'm out of the blog scene. AND, yes... I'm too tired to share all of it here. :"| BUT, all of those experiences are written on my journal. I still have a back-up, though.

Okay, so I'll get back to work. YIHAA, I miss this, eh? :">

Have you ever been in a situation wherein you are getting close to someone and you set your mind that he is just a friend but then, there are times that you feel like backing out? If yes, then you'll get me. I really had no feelings with this guy, but there are a few times that I find him very gentleman and it really moved me. BUT, as I have told you, I have set my mind that he will be nothing to me but a friend. That's what I want, really, and I don't want to cross that limit for in the end I know I will be the one losing, AGAIN. Oh well, this is not about me being afraid to risk and lose, you know... It's just that I don't want to be there yet. Period.

So yes, I lose my appetite to continue what I am writing now. I'll be back maybe later, maybe soon but definitely not maybe not. :) I swear. bb. :3

- - -

"Take it slow maybe we'll live and learn, maybe we'll crash and burn, maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave, maybe you'll return. Maybe another fight, maybe we won't survive but maybe we'll grow we never know baby you and I."

CREDITS: Image from jane-addiction

SEVENTEEN IS THE BOMB

2009-07-13T00:08:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

I hope this day will be a blast.
I should be happy all the way.
Another year for me, thank you Lord.
Again, I SHOULD BE HAPPY.
>:D<

And if there's something wrong who would have guessed it?

2009-07-09T20:58:00.000+08:00

I admit it, I am trying to be happy. For all this time, I thought I am happy but I guess I am not. I am fine but not happy. I am not sad neither happy. So what should I name this weird feeling? All I know is that I am not contented and I don't know what is really missing.

I felt giddy about my birthday earlier today maybe due to me making my wish list yesterday. I just feel thrilled, eh? But I felt that in just a short time. I realized there is nothing to be excited about. As if all the people around me are not aware of my birthday. Okay call me a drama queen now. I know that I should not be feeling this way but I just can't help it. It's like they are all acting as if I'm not here. They keep on ignoring me. What's this? Is this for real or am I just being paranoid?

One thing that really makes me sad is my giant birthday card. :(((
I guess I will not receive a card this year. I am super unhappy and it makes me wanna cry. Because to me, that card is the greatest gift above all. By just seeing my friends' name with their messages will really make my day. And I really believe that I won't be getting any. IT SUCKS. :((

And because I want it badly, I plan to buy a card for myself and ask one friend to take charge and let my other friends sign it, then give it to me on Monday as if I really don't know anything about it. BUT, I can't find any giant birthday card on the mall. That's why I am really, really sad now. I am super desperate in having that card. Stupid. :((

The number one reason of my sadness are my friends. I just feel that they don't care. You know that, it's been days of me being not the usual me and still they can't feel it. They keep on teasing me, and telling me stuffs that really hurts me. I am asking them for favors and still they refuse. I keep on texting them and lucky as I am, I got no replies. And desperate as I am, I am super dropping hints about that birthday card and still they act as if they did not hear anything. GOSH. I am feeling so alone. I am super depressed. I know this is not right, help.

Sorry for being too melodramatic on my past blogs, this is my only way to release my feelings, eh? I have no one to talk to about serious matters, only this. I have no best friend, I have nothing. Only writing accompanies me in everything, and that's one big reason for me to smile. Gaahhh, I want this feeling to stop. I want to be happy. I need reasons to be happy. PLEASE, MAKE ME HAPPY. :|

So much for birthday wishes, I've been too busy with bad memories

2009-07-08T10:59:00.000+08:00

Oh, yes I know. The title is overly dramatic. I can't think of any title, eh? And it was one of my favorite songs. :) Whatever, just deal with that.

In just five days, I'll be blowing another candle and that will make me blown seventeen candles in total. I don't know what to feel, because it's kind of mixed emotions. I feel happy and excited, at the same time sad and worried.

One thing I love about birthdays is the feeling of being important. I'm not talking about the attention here, I just love being loved. You know, the feeling when all of the people around me are acting as if I am the most important person in the world, and I so love to experience that, even if just in a day.

Another is the birthday messages, may it be text, friendster comment, e-mails, IMs, or whatever message. I really, really appreciate it.

Another was the presents given to me. It's not about the material things actually, it is about the thoughtfulness of the person who gave it to me. I am super mababaw, just give me something and I will treasure that. I am a sentimental person, eh?

To those who can't relate, my birthday is on the 13th, that's on Monday and I'll be 17 then. That's why I am enjoying the last few days of me being a sweet sixteen. I am not getting any younger now, and as much as I don't want to be a woman yet, I have to act like one. Ugh, and that makes me worried again. HAHA.

Okay, we all know that every birthday girl has her own wishes, may it be material or not. So I've decided to make my wish list this year. I don't know if my friends will be able to read this because, honestly they are not interested on this, on what I love doing. :( And though, they'll not read this, I just want to post my wishes and see if I'll be getting any on Monday.

MY WISH LIST

giant birthday card (one should give me this and let the others write on the card)
scratch paper/ notes with a personal message for me
DIY notes and cards too!
BIG HUGS and KISSES
sweet nothings
July issue of FHM
July issue of Candy
Any other back issues of Candy
Silent Sanctuary's album, Mistaken for Granted
Any Spongebob, Snoopy, Death Note esp. L stuffs
A BOOK! Any interesting book.
LOAD. HAHAHAHA.
chocolates?
ingredients on Restaurant City in Facebook
gifts for Posh on Pet Society in Facebook
company for the event on July 17
anything surprising, shocking, exciting and interesting
sweet gestures
happiness
WHAT ELSE? Ugh, anything. Anything from the ♥.

That's it. That simple. I wish I'll be able to get and experience those. Well, I'm not after the material things, I'm more excited to receive messages and the hugs and kisses. Oh, well. Hope they'll be aware of this. HAHA. I'll be posting this blog link on facebook, friendster, multiply, plurk and twitter. We'll see how curious they can be. AH, I guess I'll be still cross-fingered on the next five days.

YAY! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.
:)

CREDITS:
picture from jadedjennifer

So tired of broken hearts and losing at this game *** JULY-AYAY

2009-06-30T23:14:00.000+08:00

Ohayou people!!! I am here again updating this bloggy-blog blog of mine after ugh, two weeks? Oh well, nothing's up with me anyway. I don't know why but my life is very stagnant. :| No pagbabagos, you know. I felt like I am living just to wake up - go to school - go home - and sleep.

What's the feeling of being bitter? Urban dictionary defines it as: to be pretty damn upset about something and maybe I've been bitter the past days. Argh. Why? It's because I am super in love with an anime character. Yes, I am. I am in love with L Lawliet of Death Note. He's always on my mind, eh? Yeah, this is weird. And then, I have a classmate on my speech subject (the one I mentioned on my previous blog) and he really looks like L, at least for me. I just can't resist to look at him because he's so L. I don't know if he knows L and makes himself look like him. Plus he's kind of a rocker type, which I really adore. Well, whatever. And that's the reason I consider him as my crush. BUT all of my friends are crushing on him too, selfish as I am, I just don't want the popular-to-the-girls-type-of-guy so that's why I've decided to stop crushing on him. So there it goes, he's not my crush anymore but whenever I see him, he reminds me of L again and then all I know is I ended up smiling. WAAAH. I hate this feeling. And I think this guy is liking one of my friends, this is fine with me. BUT as they all know that I have a crush on him, (which I just ended up) maybe they'll be thinking that I am super left behind, get me? I am not okay with that. You know, the your-crush-having-a-crush-with-a friend-of-yours situation . It's not painful or what because this is just purely admiration, that's it. Go on, be happy. I am perfectly fine. :)) So, what am I gonna do? Ah, basta. Hindi ko na siya crush. He's not L. He's not my L. He's just a guy. And this is so much for that. BB.

FYI: I changed my friendster layout just now. [LINK]

For other informations, school and Facebook is keeping me busy these days. Since I am having afternoon classes, I am still continuing my vampire life. I sleep mostly from 1-2 am and wake up from 10-11 am. I used to get 8-9 hours sleep a day. :)
I am trying my very best to learn the basics of Financial Accounting, HAHA. I am super enjoying my Oral Communication class. :)
I am getting ready for Joyce's debut on Friday. Yes, I will not attend my Accounting class on Friday, so yes I am cutting class. HAHA. YAY! I'll be seeing my high school friends again. :D
And lastly, it is 12:15 AM now. So this is nothing but JULY. YAY! My birthmonth.
MMMMM... Happy. HAHA. Be ready because I'll be posting my wishlist soon. :3
So that's it for now. BB.^^

Will This Pen Ever Run Out Of Ink? (Father's Day)

2009-06-20T22:13:00.000+08:00

To my dearest daughters,

When I first learned that I was going to be a father, I felt a sense of pride, unlike anything I had ever felt before. Suddenly, I was going to be responsible for this "unborn being" that would have to be nourished, nurtured, and protected. It brought on a rush of different emotions -- anxiety, uncertainty, excitement, and happiness. I was also hit with a feeling of exclusivity: I was going to join a fraternity called "fatherhood." It was, in my perception, something that separated the men from the boys.

Before you were born, I prayed to God for a safe birth for you and that no untoward incident would happen to you and your mom. The first time I ever laid eyes on you, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I felt pure, unadulterated joy.

My most memorable moments from your childhood are all of your first steps, your first words, your first days at school, and most importantly, something I still experience now that you're all grown up, your hugs and kisses.

Of course, I remember the good times more than the bad, and I am grateful that you are all obedient, respectful, God-fearing, and loving children. All of you are special in your own way. Unna, you have displayed wonderful characteristics as a mother anf you've shown great responsibility for a woman your age. Maxene, you're naturally gifted as a speaker and as an actress. You're very articulate, and you have a commanding presence. You are also a very fine specimen of a woman -- gifted with height, beauty, and brains. Plus, you're a hard-worker -- and very generous to your family.

Saab, you are special because you are beautiful, period. In my eyes, I see myself in you -- a loner, a non-conformist, and a passionate person. Gifted in the literary arts, you exude intelligence way beyond your years. Clara, you are, pound for pound, the best seven-year-old in everything. A natural born talent who started singing at age three, who has a penchant for fashion, and is truly intelligent, academically and theatrically. You finished First Honors this 2008 with an average of 94.67 percent -- now that is special!

What I love most about our father-daughter relationship is the fact that it is based on mutual respect, admiration, friendship, and love. I respect that you all need your personal space; I never intrude in your personal affairs, except that maybe when you get hurt emotionally or physically. I let you fight your personal battles so you'll learn to be strong. Always remember that I have an open hotline 24/7, for any problem you may have -- mentally, spiritually, or emotionally.

Please understand that I am an ally at all times and never an enemy. Your welfare is my only concern. Heaven forbid that anything bad happens to you, I only wish you the best. And I will always be here for you -- my home and my heart are open for you at all times. I am your friend, protector, and father all the days of my life.

Like all fathers, I just want to love you unconditionally. And I write this with tears in my eyes.

Love,
Dad

This is from the real life section of Seventeen magazine's June 2008 issue. A beautiful letter from the late Francis Magalona for his daughters.

This just shows how important we are to our fathers. They are painstakingly doing all the best they can just to provide us all that we need. Most of us misunderstood them on being too protective and strict but maybe that's their way of showing how they love us. Our fathers just want what is best for us. They don't want us to be hurt. Instead of complaining, learn to appreciate. I cannot name all the reasons why we should be thankful to our fathers. We are what we are now because of them and it will still be because of them whatever we may become. They are part of us.

I just wish my father is with me today, that we will be able to celebrate this day and make him feel how special he is to me. Thank you for being the father you re to me. I may not be that vocal to you, but you are really special to me. Sorry for the mistakes I have committed. I love you, daddy. And I'll be seeing you on Friday. :) MR. PABLO MUSNI, I love you so so so much.

And this goes to all of the fathers out there, HAPPY FATHER'S DAY.
*kudos*

CREDITS:
FIRST PICTURE to Tazzer27

In this world there's real and make believe

2009-06-18T11:14:00.000+08:00

I am super pissed off today. I waked up 15 minutes before my first class. I'm late. AGAIN. What's new about this? HAHA. Oh well, I am an hour late, not bad for my two hour PE class. :D
Oh, that smiley is pretending, I am really not in to the smiling mood now.

So yes, I am an hour late and that class was our first meeting with our PE instructor. They told me there's a punishment for late students, and that is, I should be singing. FCUK! I love singing but I don't really sing. But they're urging me to sing just for the attendance. FCUK AGAIN. Gullible as I am, I sang. And I sang a cheesy love song. FCUK.

Then suddenly, they're all like laughing then told me it was a prank. SH*T. I hate them all. I wish I just did not attend that class. I am loathing this day. EVER. My new classmates do not know me that well yet, and then they saw me singing? Shoot. I think they'll be snobbing me from now on. HOHOHO.

You know what hurts? My friends. God. My friends did not even tell me that it was nothing but a joke after all. Great friends. I hate them too. HAHA.

And you know what hurts me most? Our instructor dismissed us just after my number. Yes, after they heard my ange-hell-ic voice, the class ended. So I have a total of 5 minutes time attending that class -- 4 minutes is the time they're asking me to sing and 1 minute is that me experiencing embarrassment and hell.

I am on the computer shop now, just outside school. I just want to be with my best-est friend, the computer. Releasing this fcuking feeling. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick. Sh*t. I know that isn't really a big thing. But sorry, this is a big thing for me and you have to deal with that.

Okay. I'll continue this later at home. My mind is stuck, you know. Wish me luck later on facing my classmates. MWAHAHAHA. Oh, I'm so excited to attend my Oral Communication class later, favorite one. And because I'll be seeing my great gay professor later. I just adore him. Yay, I feel some kinda relieved. :3 Somehow.

•••

I'm home now. And I am happy to say that I am feeling okay now. Very okay. I have a lot of reasons to be happy and its because:

Its raining. YEHESS. :D

My room is the perfect spot to see my crush. HAHA

My current favorite professor gives me a 10 on our activity.

I met cute and hot guys this afternoon

One of those guys looks like L Lawliet. My L Lawliet. <3 style="font-style: italic;">(He's a classmate!)

I am beside a cute guy on the jeep

I am in front of a handsome and smells-so- good guy on the jeep

I am able to have skin to skin with him, about 347 times. WUHOO. HAHAHAHA

I came home early

I am in front of the computer now

I am getting in love with Christofer Drew Ingle

It's a Friday tomorrow. YES.

There is no more NSTP class during Saturdays.

I'm gonna reach level 12 in no time.

Lastly, my Mommy is coming home tomorrow. YAY!

Oh, I think it is all about boys this time, HOHO. Go on, call me a bitch. MWAHAHA. I don't even care, eh? At least I am happy. HAHA.

Hey, sorry for the fcukfcuk things and sh*tsh*t things above and on my previous posts, ah? I just can't help not to ~~say~~ type that. But I want to change really. Yes, I am serious. Please, just bear with me, for now. Thanks.

Fcuk what i said it dont mean sh*t now

2009-06-15T23:38:00.001+08:00

Okay. How should I start this? I don't know. :D

So to make this much easier, I'll do this the preschooler kind of way:

In a child-like voice...

The first day of my second year in college is like a vegetable that mommy gives me, I don't want to take and eat it but I have to, this is for my own good blah, blah, blah... like what she always told me.
I made it past 1 pm. I am late but my teacher is later than I am, and so that makes me early. It is very hot that's why I am not in the mood. I am loathing my class schedule. There's this teacher who gave us assignment... on the first day of classes. *how's that?*

I am with my old friends and I met my new classmates. I have a long chat with them. Asking about everything happened on their vacations. We are talking about each others toys. I feel relieved. Especially when it rained; the hardest. I really love the rain.

One of my teachers did not show up, that's why we decided to go to the canteen and eat up.

We went to the room after eating and still there's no teacher appearing and that's why we ended up playing. We are (illegally) playing cards, on the first day of classes. *how's that? again, I know.*

Normal mode...

We are waiting for 1 1/2 hour but luckily, the teacher did not come. Bummer.

I went to the mall with my friends just because I thought our guy friend is there, I have a promise to be made, eh? And when in the mall, I am surprised when they said that he's not there and he is heading home but then he'll be coming back to the mall again just for us. Yes, it is raining that time. Aww. Aww. Aww. Super sweet. :)

He treat us, yay! It's his birthday last June 12. Belated to you! :) I told my girl friends that we should buy something for him, so that's it. While he is ordering for our food, we sneaked in and looked for something to give and guess what it is... TA-DAAH... It's a brief. HOHOHO. Brown brief with stars to be exact. My choice. Wuhoo. Well, I just hope it'll fits him. (I know you'll gonna read this, I am super sorry for exposing it here. Don't worry, there are no names stated. Smile. :D)

(For my own opinion, underwear given as a gift for the opposite sex is very sexy. Really.)

*And as for the logic that I am one of those who have given an underwear, it just clearly states that I am sexy. MWAHAHAHA.

I AM SEXY, RIGHT? ANSWER ME. YES OR YES? :D :D

*SADLY, there are no pictures taken while we eat and most sadly, there is no picture of the brief. Argh, I forgot to take a shot. It's cute pa naman. I will be seeing it, maybe.. Soon. Or maybe later today (June 16, 2009) If he'll allow me too. MWAHAHAHA... But its close to impossible for me to hold it. :( Yes, I really am in touched with that undies. HOHO. Oh yes I know, you are cursing me right now. HAHA. Sorry.

After we dine out, we went home. I dropped at Lara's party and then that's the only time I reached home. We chat with Mommy and Daddy, it's been 4 days since they went away. Jeez, I am so helpless, I cannot sleep. I am too paranoid the past days. I am missing them SO SO SO much. :( Yeah, that's why I am still awake until now. I really can't sleep. :((( Ugh, I have to stop this. I don't want to cry.

Oh, this guy friend really made my day. He texted me and said, he really came back because my friend texted him that I did not go home yet just because I thought he's there. Oh well, sweet. Nakakakilig. HAHAHAHA. Anlakas koo! :) ILY guy friend. HAHA.

Oh yes, I'm gonna share you my good night quote which I messaged to my friends:

"It is hard to run from a feeling that hunts me every now and then. It is painful to tell my heart that I don't need it. I keep on pretending that it's better to be alone when in fact I feel so empty. But why take chances if I see no hope? Why try if there's nothing to win for? Sometimes, it pays to wait. Never hurry. Let infatution die a natural eath and gives birth to true love when its time."

So that's it for now and I'm here ending this and slowly fading away...

NOTES:
◘ Sorry for the title.
◘I'll be mentioning names on my future blogs. SWEAR.

•••••

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fading
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

This is the part where the end starts

2009-06-11T21:45:00.000+08:00

My friend June kicked in and it only means one thing: back to school -- much to my dismay of ending vacation. But I know I should welcome it with open arms. Who knows? This school year may bring me lot of wonderful surprises. So there's no time for whining here, dear.

Yes, another year is waiting to be faced by me. When I first got to college, all of my classmates and new friends thought that I was the serious and studious type. I was not shocked that I gave off that first impression though I know it was so not me, it is just that most people do think I'm one, eh? And now that I have survived my first year, I thought of making myself the studious type. I mean, I will study harder this time because I want to take-up next year my real course which is Accountancy. Yes, I have shifted to Business Administration major in Managerial Accounting this year. (the reason why is posted on my blog on Multiply) So may this goal urge me to strive harder on school. I'll make the most out of it. SWEAR.

I really need to study harder this time. Much harder. Harder than ever. I promise. I swear. But I promise too that I will not turn to a psycho-geek. I will still be me. The studying harder me, I should say. :)

YES. All it takes is a promise and I'll be having a year with no regrets.

I am excited to go to school because:

allowance is coming
bond with my friends again
expand my circle
cheat again? :))
I can use my new pens

I am not excited to go to school because:

I am lazy to go to school
I hate my class schedule
I am scared of my class schedule
My parents is not yet here by then
I am still enjoying my vacation
Lots of homework is on my way again
Sleepless nights again -- because of projects
Boring classes
It is the start of conforming with my promise above, hoho. :3

Toinks. Well, it looks like I have more reasons of not going to school, ah? :D

*****

On some other news, one hour to go and I'll be having no parents appearing here. sad. One week with no mother, two weeks with no father. sobs. They're bound to go to Hongkong. Aw. (More aw because I was supposed to be going there with them.) They're flight is on 6 am tomorrow and they'll be leaving here later at 1 am. Jeez, this will be the first and longest time my parents will be away . Miss Independent in the house, yo! :) sniff.
It is sad because there will be no mother assisting us on the first day of classes. It is so sad that there will be no father sending and fetching us in school. How ironic that when someone's leaving it is the only time you'll realize they're worth. The simple things and stuffs they have done, you know. I know this will be hard. I really am sure. Ugh, but I hope I'll make it. Be the sister to my brother and be the queen of our home. Wuhoo. I'm in tears right now. Boohoo.

Cheerio, my dearest parents!
I love you!
take care.
♥

P.S. I just hope you'll be able to read this. Oh, and buy me pasalubongs, alright? :)

Katz-arap!

2009-06-11T01:06:00.000+08:00

Surprise! I am here now. hoho. Oh, well. Nothing's new except that I miss this. :) I am always online, you know that. :) But the past days, my online hours is from 11 am until 2 am... And I don't know why, haha. But yes, I feel sorry for I have not updated my blog the past days, it is just that my attention is super focused on another addicting Playfish game and it is no other than Restaurant City.
Obviously, it is about foods, restaurant eh? Duh! This is fun and for me, a strategic game. It is added to my list on why I love Facebook. :) In Restaurant City, I can hire my own friends and let them work on my resto. They can be the chef, waiter, or cleaner, you know. I can exchange ingredients too with my fellow restaurateurs to improve my menu. I can go restaurant-hopping anytime I want. Plus, I'll be the one in-charge with the interiors of my hub. Very great!
Having my own restaurant is a dream that's why I am enjoying this. Ugh, addicted to this is more appropriate, I guess. It is still on the works, and as of now I am on level 8. I started just last Saturday afternoon. Not bad, because it is kind of hard to level-up. Oh yes, I named my very own restaurant Katz-arap :9 (I know, it's funny.) Go laugh!

And here are some pictures of my humble restaurant:

INSIDE

MENU

OUTSIDE

WORKERS

oh, crap!

2009-06-08T19:43:00.000+08:00

I'm presenting to you, my ever beloved class schedule.
The perfect schedule ever... NOT.
Afternoon classes? Fine.
but classes until 7pm? It isn't effin' fine.
BUMMER!!! :|
Oh well, I've got no choice, eh? Tss..
Good luck to me this first semester.
*sighs*

*I've been absent on the blogging scene the past days, I'm kinda busy with my life, you know. But I'll be summing all of my activities up some other time. SWEAR. So for now, just kill your time enjoying Joe's stint. HAHA.

Joe Jonas Dancing Single Ladies

2009-06-04T13:00:00.000+08:00

THIS VIDEO MADE MY DAY. :))
I'm not a Jonas Brothers' fan anyway.
HAHAHA.
Thanks to Yahoo!
It made me laugh.
Hilarious Joe Jonas.
SOOO GAY. :D

When I look at the stars, I feel like myself

2009-06-04T11:14:00.000+08:00

Vacation. Midnight. Rain. Cold. Alone. Net. The perfect set-up for me. All the happiness, freshness and satisfaction fills me... until when all of it was ruined by my parents. BOOHOO!

It was about one in the morning when they saw me still awake asking why am I still up, what am I doing in front of the computer, what am I doing with my chat mates -- especially that they're both guys. Those CSI-like interrogations. WTH? They are my friends and we can talk about anything. They're accusing me AGAIN. Oh, they always do.

Loneliness. Coldness. It did not get me into sleep that I ended up thinking about a lot of things instead -- things that brought me into tears. Random stuffs that engulf my consciousness. I feel melancholic. So melancholic that I know the sky is with me. There are no stars that will give me company.

The sweltering and feel-good music ringing in my ears made me sleep. Thanks to Maria Mena! :) I forcibly convinced myself to lock my eyes, hoping that the rest of my day will be fine. It was around four in the morning that time.

And here I am now, awake. Making the rest of my day and hoping still, that all of this goes well and ends well.

Maybe I've been the problem, maybe I'm the one to blame
But even when I turn it off and blame myself, the outcome feels the same
I've been thinking maybe I've been partly cloudy, maybe I'm the chance of rain
Maybe I'm overcast, and maybe all my lucks washed down the drain

CREDITS:
picture to wantyouback

Linger

2009-06-02T13:38:00.000+08:00

BEACH

by J. Ana Fuentes Flores

Think about those parts of a woman
you’d like to feed on,
as you love on the sands of some region.
The taste of these parts will mingle with the sea.
They will remind you of raw oysters.
I have those parts too.
Perfumed with my knowledge
of the ways of this life.
I have lengths and mounds and tips
in sinful shades of pleasure:
crimson, golden tan, coral pink, virgin white
like you’ve never imagined.
If only you chose to,
I can be a familiar weight in your hands –
a known heat that will remind you
of the sea in the summer.
If you only chose to,
The right and just season will come,
when you can hold out
your strong hands and wait.
Be patient.
You will feel the tides of my sea
rise,
swell,
and fall into you.

CREDITS:
picture to borntosparkle

You said you would come rain or shine

2009-06-01T18:28:00.000+08:00

My summer class is finally over. Officially over. (biggest smile ever!) ^------^

As for the result of my exam on my history class, (the one I have mentioned on my previous post that I give no time to review) I have *drum rolls please* PASSED it. Wuhoo! I wasn't expecting to pass for I really do not know anything about that but I am able to read some parts of it anyway before the exam starts. It helps though!

I really can't express how happy I am now. So I've decided to just list down the reasons of my happiness:

I PASSED on my last exam
I can sleep all-day long and whenever I want to
Rainy days is coming
My birthday is coming too! :D
I can go online whenever I want to
I have enough time to read my new books and magazines.
I can go places now.
I will now have new sign pens and stick notes.
I can give more focus on my games.
I can watch tons of movies and my favorite series!
I'll be a super couch potato again
John Lloyd and Liz Uy is not together anymore. MWAHAHA. (I am so sorry for this.)
My unlimited text will be more sulit. :)
I'll be away from my friends in quite some time. hoho.

Though I am this happy now, there are some issues too that troubles me:

No allowance for two weeks. (This one makes the two weeks long)
I am going to miss writing my block and section.
I am going to miss the cute guys in school. HAHA.
I'll be less noisy this time.
I think I'll be fatter. HAHA
I am shifting course this year
I'll be away from my friends in quite some time

Yehheess! Isn't it lovely? :)

When it rains do you sleep through it?
Do you face the day?
Do i make you feel like you're in the way?
And when it's sunny, do you stick around when it shines
And i come by your house to close the blinds

And you, you change, cause I hardly ever see you when it rains
Could you call me please and make my day?

CREDITS:
first picture to P0RG
last picture to Chatiel777

Blood is Thicker Than Mud

2009-06-01T03:43:00.000+08:00

I slept around 2 am last night. I woke up just now. They forced me to get out of bed. Yes, I am a morning-sleep-sucker. My mom told me that we'll be going to the studio later to have our family picture taken. I am not interested. I am not in the mood to go out. I just want to kill my time with this tube in front of me, like what I did yesterday. And I am scheduled to watch Boystown later. Yes, I am an Enchong Dee fangirl.

I am skeptical about the family picture thing, for all I know Mom will be missing dad because he'll be going 'somewhere down the road' and that's why she wanted something to have on hand. Yes, I'll be missing dad, too. Who would not be? But I'll be talking more of that some other time. I don't want this to be a tear-jerking post. :)

Well, whether I like it or not, I need to like it. :) So, yes I am going with them. I guess I'll be ending up watching Boystown on Youtube. tss. Blurry Boystown it'll be, I'm sure. pffft. :( And now you'll see me putting on the best pretentious smile. :DDD HOHO.

According to their plan, we'll be going to the studio first, then to the doctor for my brother to be checked-up, then attend mass, go to the mall to buy school supplies and a family dinner I think.
I can't do anything with this, it was all planned and I must conform. I SHOULD enjoy this because tomorrow, I'll be nothing but busted. I haven't reviewed anything yet. I swear. At least it's only a 60 item multiple choice kind of test. :)) I just hope that luck will be with me. MWAHAHAHA.
Oh, well, whatever happen, happens.

CREDITS:
the original picture to kawaii-desu-yo
(Texts were added by me.)

It's Too Late, There's No Escape

2009-05-31T15:03:00.000+08:00

Summer's almost over. And as for me, I haven't felt the summer yet. And I don't know if I'm gonna feel it anyway. Well, yes it is the warmness I am feeling because I am experiencing sort-of-a-hell. :)

I've spent all my time attending my summer class. I lack so much sleep, I am forced to study... every single day for I have quizzes the following day. I need to wake up early everyday, and still I am late. My hand is so abused for writing such long notes given by my professors which can be found also on our copies. (such a waste of time and energy) I have to pretend every single day that I am listening to my professors. In short, I am suffering so much pain. I am super and overly stressed. I have no intention of detesting school here, it is just that I want to take some rest. I am just fed up, I think. FYI: I'll be having an exam tomorrow. I am feeling sorrow now because I have to review, but happiness goes with it too for it will be the last day of my agony. yihee. :">

Despite all of the hardships, there's one good reason to be happy this summer. And it happened just last Friday. I have the chance to catch up with my high school friends again. It's been a year since we have the so-much-fun times. I really missed them, a lot. I am longing for the glorious days of my high school life. College is fun, yes it is. Exciting utmost. Yet, high school is carefree and whimsical.

I still have two more weeks to find more reasons to enjoy my summer 2009, so I guess I should be happy in a way or so. The last two weeks of my summer minus the exam tomorrow will be enough to put me in the mood.

Aside from looking up to the things that will keep me busy, I am super hoping too that I can make it to this site. I don't know, maybe I'll just make this my official online scribbler. :)

Oh, BTW... Can you make me feel happy?

CREDITS:

first picture to m0thyyku

I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else

2009-05-25T19:33:00.000+08:00

I thought this day is just like the other ordinary days I have. Waking up, attending school, talk shit, heading home and do more shits. You know. And I guess it is not like that for today. Well actually, it is more of like the same but there's this thing added.

For all I thought, my mission living in this planet, aside from doing shits is just to bitch around. You know, ruin others lives. hoho. Yes, I am overreacting, I know.

Then suddenly, just about 02:30 this afternoon, the halo in me came out. REALLY. I helped someone. Ugh, well for me, it is a way of helping. :)

I won't make the story long, and for the first place, I am not sharing this for your claps about what I have done. :))) I published this because this is not an everyday thing for me. It was like, this is not me, seriously. :)

Imagine, I let this kid (who was a total stranger) sit on my lap. Yes, I know that was simple, but for me it was a big thing. YES, A BIG, BIG THING.
**Oh, yes! That girl is soooo cute. :3

On the way, only joy fills me. I don't know. It is just purely overwhelming. Me awkwardly holding a girl I really don't know. I did not even have the guts to ask what her name is.
And another -- on the way... my legs and thighs begin to ache, but I did not barely move, afraid to do anything that will caught others attention.

And when I reached my destination, I told her I need to go but she's not standing up. I told her three times and that's when she stood up.
The woman thanked me many times, I don't know if that was her mother or what.

That simple thing made me felt like I was a hero. A heroine. :D

(Yes, I am thinking of doing many other heroic acts. Soon.)
NOMON. :x

CREDITS:

picture to neonwhiteday

Once Upon A Time

2009-05-25T19:12:00.000+08:00

*drumrolls*

YES. It is me. :D
I am new to this.
I do blog on multiply.
Only now on blogspot.
I can't post blogs on multiply.
I don't know what's fcuked between multi and my computer.
(So much for the bad word on my welcoming post)
Well, whatever. Move on.

As I badly want to post, I made an account here.
Hope I'd be used to this very soon.

Welcome me people.
I know we'll click! :3

*group hug to us. hoho.
>:D<