:'(

Napaka-makasalanan ko. :-(

Hindi ko naman akalain na aabot sa ganito pero kasalanan ko talaga.

Hindi ko man sinasadya pero kasalanan ko talaga.

Dapat kasi hindi na lang.

Dapat una palang, tinigilan ko na.

Dapat noon pa lang, lumugar na ako sa dapat kong kalagyan.

Sana hindi na umabot sa ganito.

Sana hindi na nagyari yung mga nangyari na.

Sana hindi na basta.

Hay. Ewan.

Nakakalungkot.

Nakakaiyak.

;___;

It`s too sad when no one remembers. It makes me think I`m alone. Yes, I`m more of a loner but I still long for thoughts from other people. A simple "What`s up?" would be enough. But I think I`m receiving none the past days. I`m receiving none in the days when I needed it the most. I`ve been sick the past days, the kind of sickness that feels like it`s the end of the world for me. Yeah, srsly. I`ve been experiencing tremendous headache and body pain. My body temperature`s getting higher everyday. I`m not eating the way I used to eat since Friday. I can`t get to explain everything, you know. Basta, I`m sick.

And what saddens me is the that, my friends don`t bother asking how am I and all that. I felt like I`m dying, you know. And if ever I die, I think they`ll never know. It doesn`t interest them in anyway. Oh and there are some friends who would occasionally ask how am I, but then there`d be, oh can you please bring this and that. Oh, fuck you. Better not ask me at all.

And tomorrow, we`ll go to the Doctor again. Oh, please. I know this is not Dengue. I don`t want to die early. Yeah, I`ve been crying everytime it gets on my mind, like what if I have Dengue? No, please no. I hope I`ll get better na `cos I`m feeling really, really weak and I hate that.

Gotta go, my Mom`s yelling at me, heh. I need to rest.

There`s No Title Perfect For This. My Life`s a Blur

I knew it. We`ll never be the same. Sorry, I fucked up. Sorry, I went beyond my limitation. Sorry, for being so dumb and stupid for giving in. I`m sorry it turned out this way. I`m sorry. I`m sorry. I`m sorry.

I told myself I need to stop this. I need to stop thinking. Stop write something here and there. I need to stop everything. But I`m sorry, I failed again. I need to release everything. It was this blog, I think is the most safest place I can run in to.

I thought that by the time you`ve learned about everything, I`ll be okay. But I think I`m not. This feeling is eating me up. I don`t know if it`s just me but yeah, I think you`ve changed. We have changed.

I`ve been online the whole day, and I have seen you getting online and offline. It was that, I`m not used to us, not chatting you know. I know I have no right to demand or anything but that`s how it used to be before, eh? We have not talked since I told you how I feel. And that disturbs me, you know. I know we`re friends and I assume nothing has to change. But yeah, I can feel the change now.

I never want to lose you. I don`t want to lose someone like you. You`re one in a million and I swear that I will do my fucking best just to bring back the way we used to be. I`ll do my best to set aside my feelings. If you only knew how sorry I am. Sometimes, I think I should have not felt this way but I will never ever regret the day I start to like you. I mean, I may feel sad at times but it`s not a reason for me to regret you. It`s fine, this is what I want then I should face the consequences. But honestly, I think I`m hurting too much.

But I should take this in mind, that this is what I want. I did exactly what I want. And I must be ready about everything next to it. I should be happy instead for doing what I want. If it takes me to be sad, then I`ll take it open-armed. I may be sad now but I know I'll be happy again. It may take a little time but at least I will be happy soon. I wish for your happiness also. I`m praying that at least you can sleep soundly every night. I wish you are not feeling the way I`m feeling now. I wish that you`d get better. I`m always praying your safety. I'm wishing for everything that you wanted to be. And I`m wishing for a peace in mind and happiness, nothing more, nothing less.

Tomorrow. I`m waiting for the last sign. If I feel the awkwardness and the change between the two of us then I must really take sometime away from everything and start to look at a different perspective. If something has changed, then I guess I need to get away for a while. But if we`ll stay as normal, throw jokes and laugh together, then I must say, I`ll just go with the flow. But wherever this may take me, I`ll be happy. Whatever God`s will may lead me, I`ll be happy.