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Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Alam na!


Mahirap magkwento kapag sinisikreto mo. Dalawa lang yan, pagkayari ng pag-uusap niyo kung hindi mahuhulaan ng kausap mo kung sino yu`n, ikaw na mismo ang gagawa nang ikabubuking mo ng hindi mo namamalayan.


Masarap magkwento sa kaibigan kasi nasasabi mo lahat at makakakuha ka rin ng advice at the same time. Pero paano kung hindi mo kayang sabihin sa mismong mga kaibigan mo? Komplikado. `De sa sarili mo na lang. Pero darating rin yung punto na kailangan mo nang magkwento. Kasi nagsisimula na silang magtanong. At sa panahong nagkwento ka na, `yun na. Patay ka na.

Sikreto nga kasi. Kaya puro second at third person yung ginagamit mo. Ikaw, siya, sila, kayo... Laging ganu`n, hindi pwedeng kami, ako. Laging may salitang 'halimbawa', kunwari.' Mahirap magkwento, maraming pasikut-sikot. Lahat ng karakter sa istorya mo, walang panggalan. Laging paano kung, kung ikaw siya. Magulo. Kumplikado.

At dahil nga sikreto tapos nagsimula ka nang magkwento, maaaliw ka `na. Kasi masarap sa pakiramdam na may napagsabihan ka na. Kaya ayun, nadala ka na, kwento, kwento, at kwento pa. Kahit walang panggalan. Kahit walang pagkakakilanlan.

Sa sobrang kasiyahan mo, hindi mo na namalayan na may mga salita at bagay ka nang nasasabi na nakapagbibigay ng ideya du`n sa kausap mo. Unti-unti nang nagkakamukha yung mga karakter ng istorya mo. Minsan, magsasabi na siya ng panggalan, pero ikaw, todo tanggi naman. Pokerface kumbaga. Parang wala lang. Sige, tuloy pa rin ang kwento.

Alam mo yung nakakabadtrip? `Yun yung tipong patapos na yung kwentuhan tapos may mga bagay na nasabi mong hindi mo inaasahan. Mga bagay na mas nakapagpatibay at nakapagpatotoo na sa kakuwentuhan mo kung sino nga yung mga taong tinutukoy mo. Masaklap. Mapapahiyaw ka talaga. Minsan, sa hiya.

Pero ganu`n talaga. Wala ka nang magagawa. Pakiusapan mo na lang yung nakaalam na kung pwede itago na lang. Nakakaloko pero nakakatuwa pa rin. Kasi, kahit isa may napagsabihan ka na. May nakaalam na. Maluwag sa pakiramdam, hindi ka na kasi nag-iisa. Siguradong may makakakwentuhan ka sa mga posibleng mangyari pa. At isa pa ang tiyak, kapag may nakaaalam pang iba, wala nang ibang may sala kung hindi siya.


Alam mo kung ano yung masaya sa pagkukwento sa mga walang panggalang karakter ng kwento? `Yun yung pagtanggap mo ng mga walang bias na komento galing sa kausap mo. Hindi kasi niya kilala, kaya in general niya tingnan yung sitwasyon, yung kwento. Mas makatotohanan rin tuloy yung mga advice na makukuha mo. Mas makakatulong sa`yo. At mas madalas lalo na kung salungat sa persepsyon mo, mas makakagulo sa isip mo. May second thoughts na, kumbaga. Talagang maguguluhan ka. Anu na nga ba talaga?

xxx

Credits to pizzadreams for the photo

Monday, February 22, 2010

FUCKERIES OF LIFE

22Feb10, 06:23 AM


Rise and shine, people! Oh yes, I'm awake. Last time of being online? 01:38 AM. But I am awake until 02 AM sumfing.Yeah, you totally got it. I don't have a life. I'm stuck with this, like forever.

What's up with about the 5 hours when I'm away? Totally not fine. Yes, I cried. Felt so alone. Damned. Doomed. I had a fight with my dad. And it's like a big fight. There, I found out that I am brave enough and a coward at the same time. I can say things out, yeah, the real things but with my room door closed. Yes, 'cos my father's too mad at me that he want to slap me with slippers and stuff. So yeah, I don't want to be hurt physically, that's why I hide then do the talking. We have exchanged words of fuckeries and stuff. Good way to start a day. Morning again, anyway!

So yeah, I have to attend school at 08:30 AM, I made this while drinking my newly found slimming coffee. Uh-huh, I'm not joking. I'm believing that it can make me slim. Oh please. I'm dead serious now. I want to lose weight. Fuck it. (Oh, and now I put up a fight with my mom. We've been nagging the whole time I write this paragraph.) Beat my family people. My ever-cool family.

So back to the coffee, this will be my first day to drink it, as I have read reviews on the 'net, I so hope this will work for me too. I've mentioned on my past post that I put up a game with 4 of my guy friends about me, losing weight, right? So yeah, I hope this will help me. But of course, I'm gonna help myself too. Oh, wish me luck. I need that.

*My mom's on the background again* Hay, why is my life like this? Oh well, I don't have a life as I say but why do I still feel this way? What should I do to make everything okay? Like srsly serious, I'm too tired of everything. I want to make my fucked up life fixed. Now. Ugh, what about suicide? Hah, joking. I'm not that stupid and desperate to do such act, but I'll consider it still.

I'mma end this now. My mom said, "Wag ka nang aalis diyan. Wala ka ng ginawa. Maghapon, magdamag, madaling araw. Ano ba nagagawa niyan? Sisikat ka ba diyan? Papakainin ka ba niyan?" And now I say, if only I can do so, I'll glue myself here, forever. Shit, I'm doing something. Can't you see? I'm doing something, but not so productively. I blow shits like this everyday. I share my thoughts and crafts to people the way I only know. I made others happy by giving out advices I fail to give myself. I blog about things; Read others' blogs. Oh cyberworld, that keeps me company. I feel alone but with this, I can feel a companion. I can say things, the things I can't say to people. Oh yes, I'm too famous now. I'm known. Try googling my name. And you'll see the shit. It ain't true but it fucked me to the bones. I hate it. Some strangers know me too. And they give a damn stalking me. They're interested with my life, unlike you. Yes, I know there'll be a time that I'll get money from this. And I can buy and eat anything I want. But now, I don't bother at all, 'cos I'm on a diet, JSYK.