And if there's something wrong who would have guessed it?

I admit it, I am trying to be happy. For all this time, I thought I am happy but I guess I am not. I am fine but not happy. I am not sad neither happy. So what should I name this weird feeling? All I know is that I am not contented and I don't know what is really missing.

I felt giddy about my birthday earlier today maybe due to me making my wish list yesterday. I just feel thrilled, eh? But I felt that in just a short time. I realized there is nothing to be excited about. As if all the people around me are not aware of my birthday. Okay call me a drama queen now. I know that I should not be feeling this way but I just can't help it. It's like they are all acting as if I'm not here. They keep on ignoring me. What's this? Is this for real or am I just being paranoid?

One thing that really makes me sad is my giant birthday card. :(((
I guess I will not receive a card this year. I am super unhappy and it makes me wanna cry. Because to me, that card is the greatest gift above all. By just seeing my friends' name with their messages will really make my day. And I really believe that I won't be getting any. IT SUCKS. :((

And because I want it badly, I plan to buy a card for myself and ask one friend to take charge and let my other friends sign it, then give it to me on Monday as if I really don't know anything about it. BUT, I can't find any giant birthday card on the mall. That's why I am really, really sad now. I am super desperate in having that card. Stupid. :((

The number one reason of my sadness are my friends. I just feel that they don't care. You know that, it's been days of me being not the usual me and still they can't feel it. They keep on teasing me, and telling me stuffs that really hurts me. I am asking them for favors and still they refuse. I keep on texting them and lucky as I am, I got no replies. And desperate as I am, I am super dropping hints about that birthday card and still they act as if they did not hear anything. GOSH. I am feeling so alone. I am super depressed. I know this is not right, help.

Sorry for being too melodramatic on my past blogs, this is my only way to release my feelings, eh? I have no one to talk to about serious matters, only this. I have no best friend, I have nothing. Only writing accompanies me in everything, and that's one big reason for me to smile. Gaahhh, I want this feeling to stop. I want to be happy. I need reasons to be happy. PLEASE, MAKE ME HAPPY. :|