:'(

Akala ko kaya ko na. Hindi eh. Duwag ako. Duwag kasi ako. Kung dati, nagawa ko... ngayon hindi na. Hindi ko kaya. Natatakot ako. Natatakot ako na kapag sinabi ko sa`yo, iiwanan mo lang rin ako. Alam mo kung gaano ko kagusto magkaroon ng kaibigan, matalik na kaibigan. At kahit papaano, sa`yo ko natagpuan `yun. Ayokong mawala yung pinagsamahan natin dahil lang sa kahibangan ko.

Oo gusto kong sabihin para hindi na ako mahirapan, pero hindi pa rin ganu`n kadali para sa akin `to. Natatakot ako, hindi ko alam. Hindi ko kaya. `Di bale, kaya ko pa naman. Kakayanin ko. Malungkot man ako, nagiging masaya rin naman kung minsan, kaya okay lang. Mas mahalaga sa akin yung pinagsamahan natin kaysa sa nararamdaman ko. Baka sa tamang panahon, makakalimutan ko rin `to. Magtiis-tiis na lang muna.

So ngayon, sa akin na lang muna ito. Gusto ko man sanang sabihin sa`yo, pero hindi na lang muna siguro.

I love the way you are; I hate the way I am

Dear You,

Today, I told someone how I feel about you. I told her how you made me feel. I have so much to brag about you `cos you`re such an awesome guy, and you should know that.

I feel sorry for myself for being such a coward not telling you this. But I`m bearing all the heartaches it is giving me, it`s my choice anyways. It`s never easy to sleep since then on. It haunts me not only at night but every time. I can never seem to forget how much I care for you. I care too much that I forget about myself. I may sound stupid but I just want you happy even if that means I have to endure all the pain. I guess my feeling for you is that intense.

You know what? I`m waiting for the day I can finally tell how lucky I am to know you. The day that I can tell how much you have changed my life. Because on the very first day I laid my heart on you, I was never the same. Everything has changed. You made my life more lovely and worth living. You`re the reason why I love waking up and the same reason why I don`t want to sleep.

I wish I can tell you everything. That you`re the one I`m thinking of every time it rains, when I see the stars, the moon, and the sky. You`re always on my mind whenever I see cats, dogs, and butterflies. You`re just on my mind, always.

I badly want to let you know how I feel yet I`m too scared to start. If I only have the courage, then I must be telling you stories that whirl up on my mind for years. You know how much I love to talk and it must be too interesting to hear me talking good stuff about you.

But there are times that I can`t help but to blame myself for liking you. We are friends. I don`t want to break the friendship but I can`t help not to notice you too. You`re too amazing to ignore. You`re too amazing.

I wish I can tell you everything. I`m sorry I won`t be able to finish this. I can`t help not to cry. I hate nights like this. I need someone to talk to. I guess I`ll be telling another person about this. I need advice. A fucking advice. I hope you`re happy. I guess I`m liking you too much.



Love always,

Me