November one. Happiness. So much different on how I ended my October 2009. Yeap, I super cried last Saturday. My mom and I argued just because of the cooking oil. It's been an hour of nonstop nagging. I cried a lot. HAHA.
Sembreak. Hindi ako ag-eenjoy. Parang wala lang. SHIT. It's been weeks a month na ata na ganito ang routine ko sa buhay. Magcomputer, kumain, matulog, gumising, magtext, magcomputer. Pero, hindi ako nagsasawa. Masaya, eh? KAMON! This is watchakol life. May idadagdag na'ko ulit sa daily activities ko, at yun ay ang magbasa ng libro at magDVD marathon. Meron pa akong exam sa Accounting, dapat ngayun yon, mamayang 5pm, pero dahil daw may bagyo, kanselado. Ewan ko naman kung dapat ba akong magpasalamat o maasar. Salamat kasi walang exam, wala rin naman kase akong alam. Maaasar kasi kahit naman ipostpone at ireschedule pa yan, ganun pa rin, wala pa rin akong magiging alam. Dagdag pa sa iisipin ko yun. So I therefore conclude dapat talaga nag-exam na. Tapos pagkayari ng exam saka bumagyo, nabasa yung mga test papers, de tapos na. No evidences. Nakuha mo yung logic? May point naman ako di'ba? So ayun, walang dapat ikaligaya. Ugh.
Here's to the ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute.
Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.
Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.
Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if".
This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with.
Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again.
This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, and their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.Here's for the ones who FINALLY realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here’s for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here’s for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. we deserve better.
This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt.
Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.
One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry.
You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like crap, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _CREDITS TO: [LINK]
An AWWW-slash-AW moment (based on a true story)
Girl feels like throwing up and the guy saw her...Guy: Oh? Buntis ka?Girl: (smiles.)Guy: Three months?Girl: HAHA.Guy: Sino ama?Girl: (smiles sheepishly.)Behind the guy's back...Girl: Kung alam mo lang kung sino sana...
This post is not planned. GOSH. My friend, ugh.. and now I am doubting if I should recognize her as one. gaddemmit. She's really getting in to my nerves. Though I am not feeling bad trip or angry or what, I just don't get it why she acted that way. Is she in to drugs? I am busy Facebook-ing then I receive a text from her, and oh yes btw, the name is Ferry Lene T. Mendiola. Oh it is not a PM you know, it is a group message. AND yes, she's muddaeffin' out of her mind. Her message is full of shitness and more shitness. Okay, sorry for my words, I won't keep it uncensored because, really I am in rage now. I just want to feel the fire burning in.
"Palimos ng konting panahon mo"-linya ng batang itago natin sa panggalang "Kathleen" sa kanyang "dream guy"...peace katz... sweet dreams. i love you katz...bsa/bsba secret lang to ha... baka madinig ni "dream guy" hahaha..good night. :)
natouch ka ba sa gm ko? alam kong di ka unli kaya naintindihan ko na yung missed call mo. You're welcome my dearest friend, kahit di mo sabihin naiintindihan ko, para saan pa at naging magkaibigan tayo, diba? Ayos lang yan, wag ka nang umiyak jan. Pero okay lang kung tears of joy. hahaha
tae na yoo, i love you (pajoke na mura, baka mamisunderstoof mo, eh?) kagago mo tlaga, nakakahiya. Ginamit mo pa siya para lang masabi mong mahal mo ko, wag ganun. Okay na yung i love you na lang.then she replied:
haha ala lang maghintay ka pa pag di pa ko inaantok maya-maya madadagdagan pa yan. haha sulitin ko yung unli ko hehe.
"bakit nga ba mahal kita kahit na may mahal ka ng iba"-share ko lang guys yung song na dninededicate ni katz sa "the man of my dreams" nya... :)
hahaba ng bonggang bongga ang buhok ni Kathleen bukas... wag na kayong magtaka kung makakatapak kayo ng buhok pagtuntong nyo ng Cabanatuan sapagkat the man of her dreams ay kakanta ng bonggang bongga bukas. Nanamnamin nya na siya ang hinaharana ni "dream guy" at dahan-dahan siyang lilipad sa kalangitan sa sobrang hangin sa ulo ngunit puputukin ni "Reyes" ang lumolobo niyang ulo sa sobrang selos. Subaybayan natin ang susunod na kabanata.Dito na nagtatapos ang chika update ko for today. This is your chika master Ferry, thank you! For more infor, check this website: www.chikamaster-katzlovelife.com.phgood night... ILY, K.
I admit it, I am trying to be happy. For all this time, I thought I am happy but I guess I am not. I am fine but not happy. I am not sad neither happy. So what should I name this weird feeling? All I know is that I am not contented and I don't know what is really missing.
I felt giddy about my birthday earlier today maybe due to me making my wish list yesterday. I just feel thrilled, eh? But I felt that in just a short time. I realized there is nothing to be excited about. As if all the people around me are not aware of my birthday. Okay call me a drama queen now. I know that I should not be feeling this way but I just can't help it. It's like they are all acting as if I'm not here. They keep on ignoring me. What's this? Is this for real or am I just being paranoid?
One thing that really makes me sad is my giant birthday card. :(((
I guess I will not receive a card this year. I am super unhappy and it makes me wanna cry. Because to me, that card is the greatest gift above all. By just seeing my friends' name with their messages will really make my day. And I really believe that I won't be getting any. IT SUCKS. :((
And because I want it badly, I plan to buy a card for myself and ask one friend to take charge and let my other friends sign it, then give it to me on Monday as if I really don't know anything about it. BUT, I can't find any giant birthday card on the mall. That's why I am really, really sad now. I am super desperate in having that card. Stupid. :((
The number one reason of my sadness are my friends. I just feel that they don't care. You know that, it's been days of me being not the usual me and still they can't feel it. They keep on teasing me, and telling me stuffs that really hurts me. I am asking them for favors and still they refuse. I keep on texting them and lucky as I am, I got no replies. And desperate as I am, I am super dropping hints about that birthday card and still they act as if they did not hear anything. GOSH. I am feeling so alone. I am super depressed. I know this is not right, help.
Sorry for being too melodramatic on my past blogs, this is my only way to release my feelings, eh? I have no one to talk to about serious matters, only this. I have no best friend, I have nothing. Only writing accompanies me in everything, and that's one big reason for me to smile. Gaahhh, I want this feeling to stop. I want to be happy. I need reasons to be happy. PLEASE, MAKE ME HAPPY. :|
Oh, yes I know. The title is overly dramatic. I can't think of any title, eh? And it was one of my favorite songs. :) Whatever, just deal with that.
In just five days, I'll be blowing another candle and that will make me blown seventeen candles in total. I don't know what to feel, because it's kind of mixed emotions. I feel happy and excited, at the same time sad and worried.
One thing I love about birthdays is the feeling of being important. I'm not talking about the attention here, I just love being loved. You know, the feeling when all of the people around me are acting as if I am the most important person in the world, and I so love to experience that, even if just in a day.
Another is the birthday messages, may it be text, friendster comment, e-mails, IMs, or whatever message. I really, really appreciate it.
Another was the presents given to me. It's not about the material things actually, it is about the thoughtfulness of the person who gave it to me. I am super mababaw, just give me something and I will treasure that. I am a sentimental person, eh?
To those who can't relate, my birthday is on the 13th, that's on Monday and I'll be 17 then. That's why I am enjoying the last few days of me being a sweet sixteen. I am not getting any younger now, and as much as I don't want to be a woman yet, I have to act like one. Ugh, and that makes me worried again. HAHA.
Okay, we all know that every birthday girl has her own wishes, may it be material or not. So I've decided to make my wish list this year. I don't know if my friends will be able to read this because, honestly they are not interested on this, on what I love doing. :( And though, they'll not read this, I just want to post my wishes and see if I'll be getting any on Monday.
To my dearest daughters,
When I first learned that I was going to be a father, I felt a sense of pride, unlike anything I had ever felt before. Suddenly, I was going to be responsible for this "unborn being" that would have to be nourished, nurtured, and protected. It brought on a rush of different emotions -- anxiety, uncertainty, excitement, and happiness. I was also hit with a feeling of exclusivity: I was going to join a fraternity called "fatherhood." It was, in my perception, something that separated the men from the boys.
Before you were born, I prayed to God for a safe birth for you and that no untoward incident would happen to you and your mom. The first time I ever laid eyes on you, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I felt pure, unadulterated joy.
My most memorable moments from your childhood are all of your first steps, your first words, your first days at school, and most importantly, something I still experience now that you're all grown up, your hugs and kisses.
Of course, I remember the good times more than the bad, and I am grateful that you are all obedient, respectful, God-fearing, and loving children. All of you are special in your own way. Unna, you have displayed wonderful characteristics as a mother anf you've shown great responsibility for a woman your age. Maxene, you're naturally gifted as a speaker and as an actress. You're very articulate, and you have a commanding presence. You are also a very fine specimen of a woman -- gifted with height, beauty, and brains. Plus, you're a hard-worker -- and very generous to your family.
Saab, you are special because you are beautiful, period. In my eyes, I see myself in you -- a loner, a non-conformist, and a passionate person. Gifted in the literary arts, you exude intelligence way beyond your years. Clara, you are, pound for pound, the best seven-year-old in everything. A natural born talent who started singing at age three, who has a penchant for fashion, and is truly intelligent, academically and theatrically. You finished First Honors this 2008 with an average of 94.67 percent -- now that is special!
What I love most about our father-daughter relationship is the fact that it is based on mutual respect, admiration, friendship, and love. I respect that you all need your personal space; I never intrude in your personal affairs, except that maybe when you get hurt emotionally or physically. I let you fight your personal battles so you'll learn to be strong. Always remember that I have an open hotline 24/7, for any problem you may have -- mentally, spiritually, or emotionally.
Please understand that I am an ally at all times and never an enemy. Your welfare is my only concern. Heaven forbid that anything bad happens to you, I only wish you the best. And I will always be here for you -- my home and my heart are open for you at all times. I am your friend, protector, and father all the days of my life.
Like all fathers, I just want to love you unconditionally. And I write this with tears in my eyes.Love,
Dad
This is from the real life section of Seventeen magazine's June 2008 issue. A beautiful letter from the late Francis Magalona for his daughters.
This just shows how important we are to our fathers. They are painstakingly doing all the best they can just to provide us all that we need. Most of us misunderstood them on being too protective and strict but maybe that's their way of showing how they love us. Our fathers just want what is best for us. They don't want us to be hurt. Instead of complaining, learn to appreciate. I cannot name all the reasons why we should be thankful to our fathers. We are what we are now because of them and it will still be because of them whatever we may become. They are part of us.
I just wish my father is with me today, that we will be able to celebrate this day and make him feel how special he is to me. Thank you for being the father you re to me. I may not be that vocal to you, but you are really special to me. Sorry for the mistakes I have committed. I love you, daddy. And I'll be seeing you on Friday. :) MR. PABLO MUSNI, I love you so so so much.
I am super pissed off today. I waked up 15 minutes before my first class. I'm late. AGAIN. What's new about this? HAHA. Oh well, I am an hour late, not bad for my two hour PE class. :D
Oh, that smiley is pretending, I am really not in to the smiling mood now.
So yes, I am an hour late and that class was our first meeting with our PE instructor. They told me there's a punishment for late students, and that is, I should be singing. FCUK! I love singing but I don't really sing. But they're urging me to sing just for the attendance. FCUK AGAIN. Gullible as I am, I sang. And I sang a cheesy love song. FCUK.
Then suddenly, they're all like laughing then told me it was a prank. SH*T. I hate them all. I wish I just did not attend that class. I am loathing this day. EVER. My new classmates do not know me that well yet, and then they saw me singing? Shoot. I think they'll be snobbing me from now on. HOHOHO.
You know what hurts? My friends. God. My friends did not even tell me that it was nothing but a joke after all. Great friends. I hate them too. HAHA.
And you know what hurts me most? Our instructor dismissed us just after my number. Yes, after they heard my ange-hell-ic voice, the class ended. So I have a total of 5 minutes time attending that class -- 4 minutes is the time they're asking me to sing and 1 minute is that me experiencing embarrassment and hell.
I am on the computer shop now, just outside school. I just want to be with my best-est friend, the computer. Releasing this fcuking feeling. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick. Sh*t. I know that isn't really a big thing. But sorry, this is a big thing for me and you have to deal with that.
Okay. I'll continue this later at home. My mind is stuck, you know. Wish me luck later on facing my classmates. MWAHAHAHA. Oh, I'm so excited to attend my Oral Communication class later, favorite one. And because I'll be seeing my great gay professor later. I just adore him. Yay, I feel some kinda relieved. :3 Somehow.
Okay. How should I start this? I don't know. :D
So to make this much easier, I'll do this the preschooler kind of way:
In a child-like voice...
The first day of my second year in college is like a vegetable that mommy gives me, I don't want to take and eat it but I have to, this is for my own good blah, blah, blah... like what she always told me.
I made it past 1 pm. I am late but my teacher is later than I am, and so that makes me early. It is very hot that's why I am not in the mood. I am loathing my class schedule. There's this teacher who gave us assignment... on the first day of classes. *how's that?*
I am with my old friends and I met my new classmates. I have a long chat with them. Asking about everything happened on their vacations. We are talking about each others toys. I feel relieved. Especially when it rained; the hardest. I really love the rain.
One of my teachers did not show up, that's why we decided to go to the canteen and eat up.
We went to the room after eating and still there's no teacher appearing and that's why we ended up playing. We are (illegally) playing cards, on the first day of classes. *how's that? again, I know.*
