Hi. Okay, I'm updating this now with what's happening in real life. Like yeah, real life. Stop the dreaming shizz. I noticed that I flooded this with all the love, war, and heartache related posts. So yeah, this time I'm gonna tell you what really is happening to me. I'm doing this 'cos yes, I never feel this alone again. I'm okay with all the people around me but then, I feel like I can't tell anything to them, that I can't talk to them. So yeah, the problem's within me. One thing, I'm not happy nor sad.. I just feel empty.
School. Oh well, everything's fine. My grades are fine. I'm attending class still. But yeah, I'm not studying the way I study before. It's like I'm going to school for the sake of going to school. I am active, yes. 'Cos I believe I'm smart enough to learn the lessons well. I'm studying all of my subjects but Accounting. I don't know. It's the major subject, I know. And really, it lost my interest. I feel like I'm really not into it. Gaah, I'm afraid that I won't be successful 'cos that's what I want to be, but what should I do? I can't stand that subject, or maybe the teacher? Most likely.
Family. Some kind of fine? I don't know. Sometimes we're fine, sometimes we're not. I'm cool with my family. It's just natural for us to yell and fight. But sometimes I've thought that it's better if my parents will just separate than hear them fight. You know what I mean? I hate it when they're fighting. So better if they just go their separate ways. But I won't be happy either. Kill me. I don't know.
Friends. Fine. Perfectly fine. But yeah, again it's me. The problem, I mean. I don't know, I'm kind of being melodramatic the past months. My friends are so good. They are all awesome and I love them all. But there are times that I feel bad about them. I mean, the simple things. 'Cos I feel bad whenever they forget about me, when they say shitty things about me. Oh well, I'm talking about real friends here, right? I love being with my friends that's why I always set dates with them. One thing I wish for my circle? I hope we'll be more showy, like we can exchange hugs and kisses frequently. Those stuff showing affection. I mean, it feels so good when someone hugs me. I think I need a lot of hugs. But on my circle, we rarely hug. And it's kind of awkward for me, to tell them to hug me everytime. So yeah, I'm super wanting a hug. That way, I won't feel this loneliness.
Love. The shit. Okay, status now? I'm falling. Yeah, srsly. No matter how I stop myself, it just doesn't work. I don't know how he made me feel like this. Well, he has no idea, after all. But yeah, I'm gonna stay this way na lang. I won't let him know 'cos I don't want to fail again. Yeah, I hate failing though I always fail, so yeah I'm kinda used to it. Fuck the Kim and Gerald movie 'cos it made me realize so many things. Before watching that, I've been thinking about a guy friend and after the movie, I start thinking of another. That's a real shit. I mean, love's too fine for me. But sometimes I can't stop thinking that love is really not for me. Love is a failure for me. Like, I'll be stuck with this, like this forever. For real. How lame the life I have, huh? I guess I need to satisfy myself on the love I can see in others. So status again? I'm falling and ready to be hurt again.
What's up with me?
So it's weekend. I have Saturday classes but it was canceled yesterday? You know that shit when you're all ready to go to school? Woke up too early, took your bath and get all dressed-up then someone texted you that the class is canceled. Oh yes, it feels good but fuck it too. Get me?
I stayed up in front of the computer starting 7:30 am. I do stuff. Online. And yeah, start watching a new series. Liar Game. Marathon. I stopped at 5:00 pm. Like yeah, straight. I went to sleep. I woke up 11 pm. Then yeah, get online again. Then go DVD marathon. Sleep at 3:30 am. Then yeah, woke up 12 nn. Went online. And yeah, until now. Yes, that's how I live. I live to do nothing. I don't have a life. My body clock is so fucked up and so am I.
I also need to go on diet. I put a game with my guy friends that I'll be losing an inch in just a month. So yeah, what's up now? I'm eating double. Fuckyeah, I'm not doing anything yet to lose weight. I seriously don't have a life. I'm such a waste. Pretty waste. Oh I'm doing something pala, I'm starting to save money so that I can pay for them. Cos I know I'll be losing. Fuck me. I hate the way I think. You hate me too, don't you?
I have my exam on my major subject on Tuesday and until now, I know nothing. Maybe I'll start reviewing Monday night. Yeah, that's how I review. I will procrastinate first, then do the review on a rush. And it works, though!
So yeah, too much for the nonsense update. I hope I get better. I hate the way I live my life now. Emptiness it is. So yeah, gotta goes.
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