This is you again.Oh, why you?

DISCLAIMER: Oh noes! This was a mess. It is so not organized and as in not connected. If this is technical writing, this is an epic major fail. But yeah, this is just a spontaneous entry coming from the shitty head of me. So yeah, this is just how I feel now and so please, bear with me.

I am weird. I am stupid. I am a total shit. I don't get myself.

I am sentimental and overly dramatic, yes. But when it comes to other people feeling that way, especially because of me, I beg to disagree. I don't want to see people sad and fcuked up just because of me. It's fine when I'm sad so everyone should be fine too. You should be fine too. I really feel bad in times like this. I'm such a bad ass.

It feels good when someone gives up something for me. And you just did. But I need to remember that you've done so to mend my shitty feeling. Because the same way, it feels bad when someone can't give up something for me. And that, you just did. I don't know which to believe now.

I am so weird. I should be having no worries 'cos I'm the one who has been hurt but I never thought I'd be worried like this. Worried over you. Worried to the person who made me feel like this. Worried 'cos you won't be okay not until I'm okay, but which I really am not okay and I want you to be okay. That shit. I feel stupid.

I won't forget that night. It's been the most awkward night we had. And in a way, it has become special to me. We're so not like this. It feels like we are two different people having a conversation. I realized we are not those high school kids we were before. Not anymore. We have matured. We're serious and we're crying. Your words kind of struck me. You've really grown. It moved me. I like that.

I want to believe you but I can't. It's not about broken trusts and stuff. I just convinced myself that not all things are true. People lie. People lie the same way we need to eat just to stay alive. And sadly, most lies are the beautiful ones. Your words are awesome 'cos I feel so special. Gladly, I did not believe again. You have not stand up to your words twice in just one night. I'm not okay but you sleep.