The Better Worse

Call me that. : )

I`ve been away for days. I can feel fate`s allowing me to leave everything for a while. Just in time that I have decided the sun decided to let go. Oh, as I thought if ever she can let go. I really want to be alone... I want to think things over. I really want to know why am I being like this and unfortunately, I can`t seem to find the answer, even a clue.

I realized I was never alone. I have never been alone the whole time. He was with me, he never leave me. He`s always there.. here. From the moment I wake up until I get myself to sleep, he`s always here. I always see him in every single thing I do and it`s really hard. I`m really having a hard time dealing with my situation now. I never wanted to be like this. I can`t blame him either, this is not his fault. This is no one`s fault... but yes, I need to bear.

I love this feeling, you know. It`s just that, it`s too hard for me. I feel like bursting out but I don`t know where to go. I feel like everybody`s against me. I want someone I can cry my heart out. This, this is one of the two ways I only know that I can make myself feel better, blogging, telling the www this feeling. Ironically, I`ve been telling the world wide web but they can`t seem to know. No one bothers about me, heh.

How can I get better? Until when will I get better? How long should I endure the pain? I told myself I`ll get better after letting it all go, but it`s not that easy. Words can`t take control. It was like, the more I feel like stopping, the more it gets intense. I don`t know, maybe I`m just overdoing the situation.

Right now? I`m really getting worse. My world`s kinda messed up. I need someone but I`m sticking to be with no one. Yeah. I`ll get through this. My hormones are kinda sucked up that`s why I`m acting like this. Oh jeez, I bet that if I ever get to read this again, I`ll be really going gulong tawa gulong. But yeah, FML now. I`m smiling now. I can do this. Glad I have chocolates with me. Hay, fighting! I need to be better to be the best.

*photo has nothing to do with this post.